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"That's so sad," she said when we were in the bathroom, brushing our teeth, she in her tiny nightgown and me in my boxer briefs. "Your first year without your dad. I can't imagine not having my mom and dad around."
"It's hard," I said and rinsed my mouth out. "I have to be the head of the family now."
"You do it well," she replied and smiled.
I smiled back, but I wasn't so sure. I was the CEO of MBS, but my father had his own authoritative presence that I knew I'd never have nor would I want. I just wanted to be a brother. We were all men, now, and so we were more of a tribe with no chief instead of the way it was with my father. Ella was lucky to still have both her parents alive and within a few hours of Manhattan. I was determined that I would be on good terms with Governor Carlson and Ella's mom.
I wanted them to become my surrogate parents. I wanted to feel love for them both someday. At that point in our relationship, they were still strangers, although Ella had told me enough about each of them that I had a pretty good picture of them as parents in my mind's eye. But I didn't feel any emotion for them yet except the regular amount of respect for my elders. I hoped that changed soon after we married. I wanted a very happy and fulfilling family life with Ella.
The kind of life my own father had with my mother and with us boys. A sense of sadness filled me at the thought of losing my dad too soon and I took in a deep breath and tried to chase it away with thoughts of visiting the beach with Ella during our trip.
When we were finished getting ready for bed, Ella slipped her arms around my neck and kissed me tenderly.
That was the last time I thought about my sadness over my father's death for the rest of the night.
* * *
The next morning, we spent time on the patio eating our breakfast al fresco, and then I turned to my brothers.
"What's on for the day?"
"I plan on lying by the pool," Nash said. "Whenever I can enjoy the sun in December, I try to take full advantage of the quiet. I've been working like a dog and need peace and quiet."
"What about you guys?" I asked the other brothers.
"We're going to hang around and soak up the sun with Nash," Michael said.
Christian nodded. "Me, three."
"What about you, David?" I asked, turning to him.
"I'm doing some work in the studio to polish the video for our website. You two kids go out and have fun."
I turned to Ella. "Feel like taking a drive to the beach?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Ella replied, a big smile on her face.
"You've never been to LA?" David asked, his eyes wide.
Ella shook her head. "Nope. The farthest west I've been was to Colorado."
"Oh, man, you're in for a treat," David said. He turned to me. "You should take her to Venice Beach and show her the sights."
"I will," I said and stood up from my lawn chair. "We'll get some fish tacos for lunch and watch the body builders bulk up. How does that sound?" I held out my hand to Ella and she took it and stood up.
"Sounds wonderful."
We left the brothers and took the rental car to the beach. On the way, we passed the site of the accident and I stopped the car for a moment, needing some time to revisit the whole event.
"Why are we stopping?" Ella asked, glancing over at me.
"This is where it happened," I said quietly and pointed to the side of the road where the SUV had rolled onto its side after the collision. We were on the opposite side and I could still see where the front end had hit the cement embankment.
"Oh, Josh..." Ella reached over and took my hand in hers. "I'm so sorry. We should have taken a different route."
"No," I said and smiled at her. "I wanted to drive by and remember it."
"Why? I'd think you'd want to avoid it."
