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"Damn," I said, looking into her eyes when our kiss broke. "I wish you could come back to my place. I wish I wasn't going to meet John…"
She smiled, and pulled back.
"Maybe some other time," she said and squeezed my hand. "Before you go. I'd like to see your boat when it's finished."
"It's a date. I'll take you on a sail before we leave. How does that sound?"
She nodded, but her expression was serious, like she didn't really want to think of me leaving.
I felt so conflicted at that moment. Part of me couldn’t wait to get in the boat and leave all my worries behind me, sailing down the coast to the gulf and then through the Panama Canal on my way to the Marqueses Islands in the South Pacific. After such a tumultuous year, after the breakup with Jenna and the business going stratospheric, I felt a strong need to get away, to think and just breathe for a few months.
For a year.
At the same time, I hadn’t felt this way about a woman for a long time. Maybe not since I met Jenna and we were first together. I hated the thought that I'd be leaving and nothing more would come of this thing between us – whatever it was.
If I wasn't leaving, I would have kept trying to see her.
If I wasn't leaving…
Then I thought about the deal and wondered if Harrison Blake pulling out would stop the deal in its tracks. If so, it could take us months to find another partner and negotiate a new deal. I hoped not. I wanted to leave Manhattan so badly. I had dreamed of sailing away on my catamaran for years, and now, it was so close, I could almost smell the salt water and feel it on my skin as I sailed to the South Pacific.
I glanced at Alexa and wished…
Fucking hell…
"Dammit, I have to go," I said reluctantly. "I don't want to go…"
I leaned in to kiss her once more, only intending it to be a quick kiss goodbye, but it ended up being much more passionate. All at once, I didn’t care anymore and so I grabbed her and picked her up, kissing her even more deeply. In response, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back. I was certain at that moment that she felt the same – wanting to be with me, not wanting me to go…
Then I put her down and turned, walking away, regret filling me, but resolve pushing me forward.
Chapter 17
Alexa
* * *
I watched Luke walk away, his dark hai
r shining in the overhead streetlights as he dodged pedestrians and then crossed the street to his SUV. I sighed to myself, feeling a tug in my chest that he was leaving and I would probably never see him again except in the Cultural or Business pages of the Times. Although he'd said he'd take me for a sail on the catamaran before he left, I didn't believe it.
It would be best for both of us not to see each other again.
I took out my cell and was just about ready to delete his contact information when I got a text from him.
LUKE: I really hate leaving you now, but I have to go to this meeting. I hope you understand. I know you probably think we should stop this now, before I go on my trip, but I want to see you again. Like, tomorrow night. Will you do dinner at my place? I want to cook for you. And other things…
And other things…
I didn't have to wonder what that meant.
I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment, debating whether to answer or just delete him from my contacts and from my life entirely. I knew it would be the far better thing to do for my heart and for my sanity. I don't think I could stand to be apart from him for a year if we did decide to keep seeing each other and start a relationship. Even if he did fly me to whatever port he was in for a weekend or week when I had a holiday from college. Long distance relationships were not my cup of tea. I'd always be wondering if he was cheating on me in some port with some exotic woman and wouldn't feel sure of his commitment to me.
So, instead of answering right away, I tucked my cell into my bag and walked back to my apartment, determined to just let things die a natural death.
I got back into the apartment and found Candace sitting in her chair watching Netflix on her iMac. She had a bag of microwave popcorn and was munching away.
"You back so early?" she asked, stuffing a handful of popcorn into her mouth.
