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‘That’s what you do, Alexei, to protect yourself. You shut yourself off. You choose women who pick you because of what you can give them—stuff, luxury and publicity—and that way it’s never about emotions. And God forbid anyone asks for more than that—falls in love with you because you’re so scared to be vulnerable to someone, to trust and lay yourself open to being abandoned and hurt again.’
Alexei said something harsh in Russian. The sound of it was enough to dry up the words in Maisy’s mouth. He was very pale and very menacing in the down lights, his shadow pressing down on her.
‘I know I would never abandon a child who needed me,’ she pressed. ‘Anais never bonded with Kostya. It was all I could do to get her to be there in the morning when I got him up. I do know what it is to be abandoned because I watched it happen to a child I love. It made it impossible for me not to do everything I could to care for Kostya. And you clearly felt the same way—because you came and rescued him, because that’s how you show love. You offer protection. But I don’t need your protection. I’m not two years old. I need you to open yourself up to me and trust me not to take advantage of you, not to hurt you.’
‘What is it you want from me?’ he said in a low voice. ‘Name it and I’ll do it.’
He still wasn’t prepared to risk himself. Maisy felt the weight of the only choice left to her bearing down. She had to leave him and go back to London. She had done all she could to make Alexei see what was standing in front of him. She loved him, but she didn’t know if he was ever going to change. Nothing she had said seemed to have made a whit of difference.
She needed to protect herself emotionally or he would destroy her. It was the only way forward for both of them. It meant she could very possibly lose him, but what choice had he left her?
She had to risk herself, because he wouldn’t. ‘Anything?’ she whispered.
He turned, his features entirely Tartar, menacing, miserable. It broke her heart.
‘Let me take Kostya back to Lantern Square.’ Her voice dropped an octave as she felt the world shift and tumble away from her feet. ‘Let me go.’
He flinched as if she had struck him. ‘Kostya is my responsibility, not yours,’ he said, in a strained voice she barely recognised.
‘I can’t leave him,’ she whispered.
He turned away from her. She could see all the muscles in his shoulders converge on that one point at the nape of his neck where she used to link her hands. Those shoulders rose and fell.
‘You’re the only mother he’s ever known,’ Alexei said in a low voice, as if speaking to himself. ‘It took me until tonight to recognise that.’
Maisy felt time stop as he turned slowly, his blue eyes so dark in the down light they seemed black. His eyes held hers, as if in challenge. ‘All things considered, I think going back to Lantern Square might be exactly what you need, dushka. But I am in Kostya’s life. You’re never going to be free of me whilst you’re with him.’
‘I’m packing now,’ she answered, swallowing hard. ‘And I’m going first thing in the morning. Can you organise that for Kostya and me?’
‘Da. But this isn’t over, Maisy.’
She shrugged, her throat clenching with the effort to keep her emotions in check. There was nothing more to say. She’d said it all. It was up to him now.
CHAPTER TWELVE
MAISY heard the bells chime over the door. No clients had been scheduled today, so she expected it was Alice, back early from the school run.
She put down her pen and got up to put the kettle on, pouring Earl Grey tea leaves into the pot. Her eyes were a little sore from peering at the laptop screen, but Alice would be pleased when she heard her good news. She’d managed to source French valenciennes lace and get it under price.
Alice’s little shop was a dream come true for Maisy. After landing back in Lantern Square, her first week had been absorbed by resettling Kostya back into a routine and organising a crèche for him before she got stuck into looking for a job.
It had been whilst she was filling in forms with a couple of the other mothers at the crèche around the corner that she had got talking to Alice. With her youngest now at school she had taken her millinery business off the internet and into a store, and hadn’t been looking forward to toiling through the pile of applications she’d received for an assistant’s job. Maisy had seen her chance and taken it.
All the role required was sourcing materials, a little bookkeeping work and chasing up orders three times a week. It was perfect.
It also kept her busy. Today was a record day for her. It was the first morning she’d woken up and her first thought hadn’t been of Alexei. No doubt she’d think about him some time today—slide into a little reverie, maybe even soak her pillow tonight in tears—but it had only been a month, and she didn’t expect to get over him any time soon.
