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"Well…" I said, embarrassed that I responded so strongly to it. "It was… thought provoking."
"I bet you can't stop thinking about him."
My face grew hot, and it wasn't the warmth of the sun. "Yes, but because of who I am, who my father is, I can't risk doing anything that might get me in trouble. I might get away with writing an investigative piece, but to really explore it as a woman?" I shook my head. "Can't go there."
"That's a shame," she said and eyed me from under a frown. "People like you can't ever really be satisfied without doing it for real. I read your profile on FetLife."
"What do you mean, people like me?"
"You're a sub."
I frowned. "What was in my profile that made you think that?"
"Things." She smiled. "Besides, if you weren't a sub at heart, if submission didn't appeal to at least some part of you, you wouldn't have gone beyond reading a few books, fantasizing a bit. To actually contact someone in the lifestyle?" She shook her head. "That's the next step and that means this is really you, somewhere deep inside underneath all that self-judgment. You're pretty vanilla but there were a few hints in your list of fetishes that suggest you could be a secret sub."
I frowned at that. "Like what?"
"Bondage, bare handed spanking, hair pulling, leather corsets, kneeling…"
"I just put those in so I didn't appear like a poser."
She just grinned. "Sure."
"So you don't think I can just be interested as a student writing a paper?"
"It must appeal to you on a human level, sexual level, or else you'd write about something else. Either you're totally against it and want to criticize it or you're totally fascinated and can't stop thinking about it. I can help you. In fact, I enjoy teaching. But here's my warning to you. I won't go along with any kind of shocking exposé," she said, making air quotes, "so if that's what you thought you'd do, forget it. I will help you understand how things work and introduce you to some people I know. No names, though. As you can imagine, we're quite…" She paused and shrugged a shoulder. "Protective of our lifestyle. Puritans and moralists would love to try to discredit us. If people found out who really frequents our dungeons and fetish parties." She grinned at that. "Even people like your father."
"Not my father?"
"Not that I know of, but people of his status. All kinds of men and women enjoy kink, Kate. The public has the wrong idea. Some of us just get off on a bit of bondage, a bit of power exchange. Enhanced sensual experience."
"You mean pain. I'm not into pain."
"The pain and pleasure responses in the brain are very similar. It's all sensation."
"My boyfriend wanted to spank me," I said, remembering our very brief and upsetting foray into kinky sex. "He wanted to do mock rape scenes, and it was too much. I was afraid I was with some kind of serial killer in the making."
"He sounds like he had no idea what he was doing. Don't use him as an example of what most Doms are like."
"Since I did some reading," I said and took in a deep breath. "I can't stop thinking about this. Not S&M, but bondage and dominance. Some of the descriptions by the Dominants – the way they talk about their subs. The way the Dom spoke to his sub in the letter you sent me." I shook my head. "It did something to me and I realized that I've always had this secret fantasy..."
"But you always denied it, right? Because it was upsetting."
I nodded. "I'm a feminist."
"So am I." Lara smiled quickly. "You're attracted to a strong man who wants to take control over you in the bedroom, but that conflicts with your feminist sensibilities outside of it. It's a very common fantasy, Kate. Probably one of the most common fantasies for women. It’s harmless as long as you're safe and it's all done consensually." She looked out over the street and then her gaze returned to me. "That's our motto – safe, sane, consensual. Sex is sex. Pleasure is pleasure. Don't judge yourself – I always add unless it's illegal, o
f course. No animals or children."
I sighed. "Of course. But it's hard as a modern woman to admit that I even consider it. My mother was a big feminist. How can I want this?" I shook my head. "I'm embarrassed by it."
"You shouldn't be. Human relations are all about power exchange, finding some kind of balance that benefits those who interact together. Sexual relations are about pleasure and sensation, but power exchange still plays a role even in sex. Some people need equality in sex. Some people love to give up power to their partner during sex, some like to hold it. Some people prefer vanilla ice cream, some like Rocky Road with chocolate, marshmallow and nuts. That's all, sweetie." She raised her eyebrows. "Nothing moral about it."
I took another sip of my cappuccino and studied her over the rim. "You make it sound so… normal. Logical. You teach?"
She nodded. "I teach Dominants how to do D/s and S&M, how to be safe when using toys and restraints. I can tell you about my experiences as a Domme with male subs, but if you want a male Dominant's perspective, you need a man."
"And you have someone for me?
