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I frowned. "Upset, of course. I had just started to enjoy sex and then he starts with all this kinky stuff that scared me and made me feel inadequate. Why wasn't I good enough as I was?"
"For someone with a kink, plain old orgasms aren't enough. It's like eating vanilla ice cream after you've had chocolate truffle. You can eat it but it's not the same pleasure."
"You and Lara," I said and couldn't help but smile a bit. "With the ice cream metaphor. Except vanilla ice cream is still sweet. Anal and mock rape aren't."
"They can be. It's all in your preparation and build-up. Flyboy should have studied BDSM before he ever tried anything. He should have gone to someone and been trained like I was. I know how to do this, Kate. You can relax."
"So, is this dinner and this talk part of how to do this?" I said, looking at him, but not in his eyes. I kept my eyes on his chin or his mouth to avoid eye contact. He tipped his head down so that I couldn't avoid his eyes.
"Not my usual MO," he said. "But the general approach is the same. I have to find out what a sub needs and if we're compatible. Sometimes, I have to seduce them a bit."
"So, in your mind, you're seducing me right now."
He smiled. "I hope so."
"What do you hope will happen?"
He moved a little closer to me and brushed a strand of hair from my cheek.
"I hope," he said, keeping his voice soft. "I hope that we'll continue to talk like this, with you telling me in intimate detail what you did that made you feel pleasure and what he did that scared you. Then I hope you'll agree to take me to your apartment. I hope that you'll agree to let me fuck you tonight so that the first time is out of the way. I promise to make you come at least twice if you do. Nothing will happen tonight in terms of bondage and dominance. It's too soon. But it's not too soon for us to fuck, given our obvious mutual attraction."
"This is all too, I don’t know – clinical."
"I thought you wanted to understand. I thought if I explained everything, you'd feel more comfortable. I can just do it, if you'd prefer. Just train you without explaining."
I said nothing, seriously considering it, a jolt of desire rushing through me from his so blatant words. I couldn't help but imagine what he would do to me if I let him.
"You seem to have this all plotted out."
"I do. It's my specialty. I like to study a problem. I like to break it down into its parts. I like to create a strategy for solving it, lay out all the steps. I like to follow through."
"So I'm a problem?"
"I want you as my submissive. The problem is how I can get you to submit. I have to understand you, what you need and want in order to have you, satisfy your needs. Will you at least consider my request?" He wiped his mouth with a napkin and held my eyes.
I glanced away, my stomach all butterflies at the prospect of taking him home with me. "I'm thinking."
"Good. Now, tell me about your love of the fine arts. Do you paint or draw?"
I took another spoonful of soup but suddenly I didn't want to talk about art. "Both. I did a lot in high school, but it was too frivolous for my father."
"Did he actually tell you that you couldn't study art in college?"
"Not in so many words, but he made his views known, as he does with everything."
"What about your mother? Didn't she encourage you?"
"You want to talk about submissives? I think that sometimes, mother was afraid of him."
"He wasn't violent was he?"
I shook my head. "No. He just has this way… You know when he disapproves. He doesn't even have to say anything."
"Sounds like an old bastard. So, now, instead of writing about politics, you're writing about culture and the arts. That's a good compromise. You're a very good writer."
"Thank you," I said, starting to relax now that we weren't talking so bluntly about sex. "It makes me happy to be able to write about what I really love."
The waitress removed our empty bowls and brought the Pelmeni and Blinchik. Drake cut up one of the Pelmeni and held his fork to me.
