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"You can't or won't say?"
"Both."
He exhaled heavily. "Kate, I can't just end 'this' like you seem to think we have to. You're an unanswered question. You're unexplored country and I very much want to explore you. Every single inch of you, inside and out."
That sent a surge of something through me and I felt as if my whole body flushed.
He nuzzled his face into my neck, his mouth warm on the skin beneath my ear. His lips brushed my earlobe when he spoke.
"Unless you can tell me who is threatening you so I can understand it, and agree or not, find a way around it, I am not giving you up. You said you'd sign my agreement last week. I don't think anyone is threatening you. I think you read my limits and you're afraid. What was it that shocked you? Was it vaginal fisting? Anal sex? I told you I put those in specifically so you could strike them off and feel some degree of control."
I glanced away. Those did shock me, to be honest, but I was willing to strike them off the list as he said I could.
"It wasn't that. I'm telling you the truth."
"Then, who is it? Tell me or I won't believe you."
"Drake, I can't" I pulled myself out of his arms and stood, moving away, because sitting on his lap like that, feeling his warmth beneath me, his face so close to me, his mouth on my neck made me dizzy with lust.
He stood and came close to me, and I backed away, but only ended up wedged against the table. He had me cornered.
"Tell me, or I'll keep after you. I won't give up on you, Kate."
"Why not? Barely anything has happened between us. It would be a lot easier to end it now rather than later when we're forced to after you've been disgraced because of my carelessness."
"What about your carelessness?"
I shook my head, dread filling me at the thought of telling him.
"I," I said, fumbling for words, so embarrassed that I was hoping to be a journalist who was supposed to prize informant confidentiality and I was so sloppy with the agreement that Dawn found it. "I left the agreement on my desk and someone found it."
He closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. His lips pressed thin and when he opened his eyes, I had to turn away, so afraid of his anger.
"Who found it?"
"Just someone who doesn’t want me to be with you, OK?"
"Nigel," he said. "It was Nigel, right?"
&n
bsp; "No!" I shook my head.
"Don't protect him, Kate. I know he doesn't really approve of me."
"What do you mean? Why wouldn’t he approve of you?"
"Did he force you to stop seeing me? He knows that I'm in the lifestyle." He shook his head and then he seemed to relax. He stroked my cheek, then his fingers fell to my chest and he brushed them against the tops of my breasts. "I can talk to him, assure him that I mean you no harm."
"It wasn't Nigel. Does Nigel know about you?"
"Yes."
"How does he know?"
"I can't tell you how he knows. That's private. He just knows. I thought he was OK with it, but if you're protecting him, you have to let me know. I'll have to speak with him if he's pressuring you."
It was then I realized that Drake must know Nigel through the BDSM community. I didn’t know a lot about Nigel's personal life. I knew he had a long-time partner – an actor who did off-off-Broadway.
