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"Mine." His chin rested on my shoulder as I sat on his lap. I turned a few more pages. They were taken in a loft with hardwoods and exposed brick, the bed a prop, the windows covered by gauze curtains, letting in ample light. Everything was tasteful.
"What do those make you feel?" he said once more.
I hesitated. "Jealous." I flipped the page. Those women were so lucky. He kept the images in his bedroom by his bed. He'd masturbated to them before.
"Envy." I said, my voice quiet. "Aroused."
He nodded, his chin resting on my shoulder. "What arouses you the most?"
I wasn't sure what image aroused me the most. I flipped through them, back and forth, and came to rest on one of the first blonde woman on her back, blindfolded, gagged, her hands bound, her feet bound. She wore nylons and a leather corset, her breasts spilling out over the top. Drake knelt between her knees, naked, splitting her labia with his erection. I pointed to it. "This."
He leaned closer and examined it. "Interesting…"
"Why do you say that?"
"It's the most submissive," he said. "She's the most helpless. Unable to move at all, unable to see, or speak. Trusting me completely. Totally under my control."
I considered the photograph for a moment before flipping the page.
"What else do you like?" he said, squeezing me, one hand slipping beneath my sweater to cup a breast.
I found one of a woman on her knees before a nearly-naked Drake in black leather pants. His well-muscled body was gorgeous, enhanced by the lighting. One hand was on her head, her long hair caught up in his fist. She had him in her mouth, her lips taut around the head of his cock.
"This one."
"I like that one too. Why do you like it?"
"It reminds me of your letter. She's on her knees, her hands tied behind her back. Blindfolded. You're controlling her, guiding her by pulling her hair."
I flipped to another one that featured Drake performing anal sex. It upset me but it aroused me at the same time in a perverse way. Was I perverse?
"Do you like that one?"
"I'm ambivalent about it," I said.
"Do you want to try these positions and acts?" Drake said, his voice soft, warm. A little husky as if he was as aroused as I was becoming.
"The other ones, yes. This one? Maybe some day. When I'm ready."
Then, Drake closed the book and put it on the bed beside us. He turned me to face him so that I was straddling his hips, my hands resting on his shoulders. I didn't want to reveal how jealous I was. I glanced down from his intense expression and fiddled with his tie, which had been loosened, the top button of his crisp white shirt undone. I tightened it and then loosened it again, as if undecided.
"What?" he said, tipping my chin so that I had to look in his eyes, which were, of course, way too blue. "What are you thinking?"
I shook my head, shrugged one shoulder, a bit embarrassed and uncertain of whether I wanted to admit it. Finally, I exhaled and leaned in close to him, my lips beside his ear.
"I want you to put your book away," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
He pulled back, searching my face, his eyes meeting mine finally. My cheeks were hot.
"You don't need to be jealous. I didn't love them."
"I know," I said. "But they mattered to you."
"I only want to be with you."
"I don't want reminders of all the other submissives you've had. I don't want you looking at those photos."
He said nothing for a long moment, his gaze moved over my face. Finally, he reached up and touched my bottom lip. "Do you want us to make some photographs like those?"
