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I bit my lip and shook my head, wracking my brain to think who she would have gone with to a DWB fundraiser .
“I have no idea.”
Drake smiled, and his expression was smug. “Kurt.”
My mouth actually dropped open.
“What?” My heart pounded in my ears. “No way…”
“Yes way,” Drake said, fighting to keep from grinning, but I could see that he was almost bursting.
“She went with Kurt? My Kurt?”
“Your Kurt?” he said, pulling back in what I thought—hoped—was mock horror.
“I mean, the Kurt I dated briefly,” I said, catching myself.
Drake took a deep sip of his wine, one corner of his mouth curved up slyly. “The very one.”
“She never mentioned it in her email, but maybe that’s why she wrote me.” I thought about Kurt and Dawn together and it completely blew me away. I had met him at one of the DWB fundraisers that she attended with me, and we had often gone to pubs with Dawn and a few of our friends from Columbia. They knew each other. Had she been lusting after Kurt all this time?
“She must have been wanting him all along.”
“Maybe. Maybe she is a secret subbie. I guess she’s second best to you.”
I laughed at that. “Dawn is very pretty. You haven’t met her. She’s tall and athletic. Not in the least bit submissive, as far as I can tell. The opposite. I’d think she’d rather beat a man than be beaten on.”
“I saw her with you at the pub that night, but she’s not my type. Come on, Kate,” Drake said and took another sip, his eyes twinkling. “You know that very many strong people like to give up control in the bedroom. Achievers who have to be in control during the day. It’s a relief to give up control.”
I nodded, for I’d done my research and knew that many men in high-powered positions liked to be humiliated and dominated in the bedroom. Could Dawn be like that?
“I guess I’ll have to write her back.”
Drake shook his head. “Don’t mention anything about Kurt,” he said. “Let her tell you when she’s ready. She sounds like someone who doesn’t know her own mind. Someone like her could just as quickly change back to being a crusader against filth.”
I pursed my lips and forked a piece of fish. “You may be right. I won’t say anything about Kurt unless she brings it up.”
“She probably won’t out of embarrassment. Considering she could have cost me my position at NYP, I think she’d be wise to broach the subject very slowly and carefully.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll write back and accept her request for détente. But nothing more.”
Drake nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it. Honestly, Kate, she was right to be suspicious of me, knowing what she knew. What if she’d come to you and said she was interested in being spanked and flogged and was meeting a sadist that she met online?”
My stomach clenched at that. I still hadn’t completely reconciled myself to the idea of painsluts and sadists, although I tried really hard. I had to come to a place of acceptance that consenting adults could do what they wanted in the privacy of their own bedrooms – or dungeons. I’d seen actual painsluts and sadists at play in the dungeon scenes Drake and I had attended. They wanted to be where they were. They wanted to give and receive pain with a willing partner. That was a far cry from actual abuse. Still, there is no doubt I would have argued with Dawn if she had come to me and told me she wanted to meet a sadist and be whipped and caned like Sunita.
“I don’t know what I’d do. I’d probably think she needed to get counseling. Her father was an old bastard, Drake. He beat them with a belt when they were kids and I think now that he beat her mother, too. Her brother-in-law beat her sister. She said the best day of her life had been the day he was arrested.”
“Maybe BDSM would be therapy for someone like Dawn.”
I shook my head. “It just shocks me so much, Drake. Therapy for Dawn should be to find someone who is completely safe so she doesn’t have to worry about being beaten. She should get therapy so she feels worthy of better treatment.”
It was his turn to shake his head. “Don’t judge her for her desire, whatever it ends up being,” he said softly. “The human psyche is a strange animal. You can get moralistic about human desire and judge it deviant and dangerous, but deviants still want what they want. If you judge them, if you condemn them, it only makes you feel better. It does nothing to change them.”
Drake watched me over the lip of his wineglass as he took a sip. He put his glass down and reached for my hand.
“I know you miss her. I know you two were friends for forever and it must hurt to lose her. Let her come to you. Let her prove herself before you invest too much emotionally in the friendship.”
I squeezed his hand back, considering. Finally, I sighed and ate my fish, amazement filling me that my old best friend would even consider allowing a man to spank her and dominate her.
