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I had to quit.
I had to give up my fellowship and leave my practice at NYP, whatever was left of it for if she did follow through on her threat to out me, I’d have to leave. My reputation would be smirched and the hospital would probably want to cut ties. I should have done it when she first mentioned Richardson and Sunita, but I hadn’t wanted to consider it. I’d go and speak with Fred Parker and let him know I was withdrawing from the fellowship and would go somewhere else later.
Lisa’s residency was seven years long. I’d have to leave Manhattan if I wanted to enter a formal fellowship program in pediatric neurosurgery, since New York University had the only pediatric neurosurgery program in Manhattan. Lisa couldn’t do any damage to me if I was no longer practicing medicine in New York.
At that moment, I couldn’t imagine that there was anything else I could do. I couldn’t give in to her because she’d keep pushing and pushing, expecting something more than friends.
I still hadn’t spoken to Kate about it, because I didn’t want to upset her over nothing. Kate had enough on her plate, with her Master’s program, our new life as a married couple, renovations to the 8th Avenue apartment, and now her pregnancy, which had resulted in morning sickness that lasted all day into evening.
Both of us were extremely busy and there was only an hour or two for us to be together when she felt well enough to get out of bed or off the sofa, so I wanted our time to be quality time. The last thing I wanted was for her to be worrying about another woman I had absolutely no interest in.
I had to quit.
Kate was lying on the couch, blankets wrapped around her, and the channel changer in her hand when I walked into the living room. I went right over and kissed her on the mouth, so happy to see her smile.
“Hello, Mrs. Morgan,” I said softly, stroking her face. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you.”
“Me as well,” she said and smiled up at me. “Rough day?”
“Yep,” I said and sat on the sofa beside her, leaning over her, taking her in with a long glance. Her hair was mussed and her eyes sleepy but she was beautiful. I loved her so much at that moment, I felt a choke in my throat.
“Tell me about it, Dr. Morgan,” she said and reached up to touch my face. “Let it all out. That’s what I’m here for.”
I shook my head. “No, you’re here for more than just being a sounding board. You,” I said and tucked the blanket around her, “are my heart and soul. I don’t want to burden you with the day to day crap I deal with.”
“Is it crap?” she said, her eyes widening. “I thought you were enjoying your fellowship…” Then she frowned and searched my face, but I tried to avoid her eyes. “Tell me, Drake.” She cupped my cheek with a hand. “You have to tell me everything. No secrets.”
I sighed heavily, deciding that I couldn’t keep my problems with Lisa from Kate any longer. All semester, after our wedding and during Christmas, I’d kept any talk about Lisa and her constant attention from Kate, not wanting to upset her during what should be the happiest time of her life. Still, after this afternoon, I knew I had to.
“There’s this resident who’s been pestering me. She wants to be ‘friends’, whatever that means,” I said finally.
“Friends is okay,” Kate said, pursing her lips in thought. “Colleagues. Nothing more, though,” she said with a mock angry face. “Or tell her I’ll come down there and whoop her ass.”
Then she laughed and I couldn’t help but smile.
“She wants us to sit together at meetings, have coffee together, walk down the halls in serious conversation.”
“That’s okay,” Kate said, and I could see the disappointment on her face that we were only just married and I was already bringing this kind of BS into our relationship. “I can’t expect you to give up relating to the entire female species just because we’re married. Just don’t fall in love with anyone else, Drake.”
“How could I possibly do that?” I said, shaking my head in wonder. Then I frowned. “I don’t think I can stay in the fellowship program.”
“What? Why?”
I didn’t say anything for a moment, debating with myself. Kate was being so good about this, but maybe too good. She didn’t understand but I didn’t want to worry her.
“I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I think I might put my practice on hold for a year or two. I can put the fellowship off until next year. Besides, I can stay home with you and the baby.”
“You’re going to stop doing surgery? Why?” she asked, and she seemed really upset. “Drake, you have to tell me right now what’s going on. Is it because of this pesky resident who has a crush on you?”
I sighed heavily, wondering how to word things.
“Drake, you can’t let a love-struck young girl ruin things for you. Just humor her.”
“I don’t think she can be humored.” Then I decided to tell her all. “I topped her in the past. She knows Richardson and Sunita. She as much threatened to reveal my involvement in BDSM if I wasn’t nice to her.”
“What?” she said and sat straight up, her face blanching. “You topped her? How many times?”
“Twice, back when I first was involved in the lifestyle. I barely remember…”
