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“I’ll miss his entire life,” Drake said, his voice cracking with emotion.
“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry. Let me get you a drink of water and some Tylenol. You should go to bed.”
I helped him up and he walked with me to our bedroom. Once there, I sat him on the side of the bed and began to undress him. He watched me closely, but whereas he would usually get a gleam in his eyes when I undressed him, the gleam promising me a great deal of pleasure, he didn’t have any kind of gleam that night.
“You’re so good to me,” he said.
“I am,” I said and smiled, wanting to lighten the mood. “It’s only because I love you.”
He pulled me into his arms at that. “I love you.”
We kissed, but it didn’t develop into anything more. Once he was naked, I rolled him into bed and under the covers. He sighed heavily and snuggled down into the thick coverlet.
“Don’t fall asleep yet,” I said and leaned down and kissed his cheek. “I have to get your Tylenol and water.”
I left him and got a glass of water and the pills, and then returned. He sat up briefly, took the pills and drank down the entire glass.
“When’s your next surgery?” I said, feeling bad that he had to work in the morning.
“None tomorrow. Just a class and office hours.”
“That’s good,” I said and took the empty glass away. “Go to sleep.”
“I love you,” he said once more.
I kissed him and pulled the covers up around his neck. “I love you.”
I left him in the darkness, my paper waiting on the desk. It would be a few more hours before I could go to sleep because I wanted to get my first draft of my chapter one in to my supervisor before the end of the week. I went back to my desk and sat staring at the paper, reading the same paragraph over and over again, unable to focus, my thoughts on Drake and his son and how sad it was that he would miss Liam’s childhood.
The next morning, after Drake left, I sat with my coffee staring at the screen on my laptop, searching for the right guide to take us to visit the Harenna Forest and the crash site in Ethiopia, and then, to the Loisaba Lodge in Kenya. There was so much I wanted to do in Ethiopia on top of visiting Liam’s grave. I wanted to go to the Great Rift Valley and see if I could visit a paleontological dig site at Oldupai – maybe the site where they found Lucy – the oldest human ancestor. I remembered Drake saying Ethiopia was Liam’s favorite place and so I wanted to visit.
I contacted several outfitters who hired out guides for Oldupai and Harenna, and arranged to visit to Liam’s grave during the first week of the trip and the second week spent in Kenya. I was lucky to get two guides at such a
late date, for the guides usually booked months in advance.
I wondered about visiting with Michael and Claire in Nairobi while we were in Kenya. I had such a bad experience with her and did not want to have to see her again, but I’d suffer to make Drake happy if it meant Drake and Michael could get together and have a nice visit. Claire’s machinations had nothing to do with Michael and so I didn’t want to come between the two men.
Then, I turned my focus on flights and hotels on the way there and back. Drake said the last two weeks in February might be a good time since a lot of people planned holidays during that time period in anticipation of March break. I took a chance and picked two dates for departure and return and soon, I had picked our flights and printed off our itinerary and digital tickets. I was excited for it would be a meaningful trip for us both.
So I had one present taken care of and now I wondered what else I could get for Drake for Christmas. I wanted something else to put under the tree. Finding another gift was going to be hard. Drake lacked nothing. What did he want? I thought about what was missing in his life. He had everything else he could ever want in terms of possessions. No clothes, no toys, nothing.
The only thing I could think of was that he was missing his mother in his life and of course, Liam, his son. I doubted there was anything I could do about either. Maureen and Chris were so antagonistic towards Drake that they would never let him be a part of Liam’s life. I thought maybe Maureen might give me a photograph or two of Liam that Drake could keep but I was afraid of causing problems. Still, it was worth a try. I knew that Drake probably had Maureen’s number on his cell and so I decided to see if he had her email or phone number in his contacts. I hated to be sneaky, but if it was going to cause problems, I hoped I could keep it limited, so Drake wouldn’t get upset.
I planned to take Drake’s phone and check his contacts when he was in the shower later that night. I’d call Maureen and see if she’d at least agree to send a photo or two that I could have framed.
That left only Drake’s mother, Louise. I only learned her name because I saw Drake’s birth announcement in an old photo album we found when we were sorting through his father’s things after we were married. A small card with elephants and balloons, with a blue “It’s A Boy!” and the details inside – Drake Liam Morgan, son of Liam and Louise Morgan…
I wondered about Louise, for Drake had no photos of her, nor any mementos. It was as if she never existed. I hoped Drake would open up about her after we were married but he seemed to keep that part of his past buried down deep. He had no siblings and whatever uncles or aunts existed, Drake never visited. I had the sense Drake was actually a very lonely man at the base. It felt so wonderful to become his wife and to be one of the very few people to really get close to him. He’d been so restricted in his relationships since his divorce. I could see him blossoming as a man and as a human since we met, and he was already pretty special as a person before. A talented neurosurgeon and musician, a philanthropist, and a professor of surgery.
He had the professional part of his life all figured out. It was his heart that he kept protected. Slowly, I thought I saw that part of him open up as well. I’d do everything in my power to make him as happy as he could possibly be.
Later, when Drake came home, I snuck to his desk while he was in the shower and picked up his cell, scrolling through his contacts in search of Maureen’s cell number. I found it, and wrote down her email as well. I’d see if she’d agree to send a photo of Liam that I could have framed for a gift. I was probably crazy thinking that she’d be willing, but a part of me felt I had to try. Although Drake never knew Liam, he had saved the boy’s life. Giving Drake a photo of him was the least she could do.
At least, I thought so. Maureen might have a different idea.
The next day, when Drake left for work, I sat at my desk and wrote Maureen an email:
Dear Maureen:
