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“I did,” he said, sighing heavily. “She liked being caned. She wanted bruises and welts. I tried, but it did nothing for me. Nothing.” He turned to me, his blue eyes wide. “It went against something in me as a doctor. First, do no harm. That was the last time we were together. Lara had been working me up to it, and finally, when we had a scene using a cane and flogger, I said no more.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said and stroked his back. “All of the nuance of what happened would probably be lost to the casual reader. They don’t know about the whole training of a Dominant, learning your limits, your preferences. To them, it’s just violence.”
Drake nodded, and closed the screen. He turned to me and pulled me down onto his lap.
“Now, with the emails the police say they have, it's going to look really incriminating. I wonder if the police will release the contents before the trial or if they'll only come out during the trial." Drake sighed. "I'll have to ask Lara what the whole procedure is."
I craned my neck and read the article. "What's it say?"
"It's all bullshit. The reporter is a campaigner against BDSM,” he said, his voice low. “She claims that Dominants are woman abusers who can get away with it because they hook up with damaged women. She’s been on a campaign ever since Fifty came out.”
I put my arms around his shoulders and shook my head sadly. “I know. There are a few puritans out there who can’t understand the difference between abuse and consensual SM.”
Drake pushed his face into my neck and I heard him take in a deep breath. We sat silent for a few moments, the two of us in each other’s arms.
“Well,” he said and pulled back, looking in my eyes. “Nothing to be done about it. I’ll have to wait for the fallout.” He stroked my hair, his expression thoughtful. “I’ve already pulled back a bit from the Foundation, and I’ve spoken to Fred Parker at the hospital, but who can say what else will happen? Who among my employees or funders will be offended?”
I shrugged. “You’re a neurosurgeon. The article even says that you’re one of the best in the world at what you do. That won’t change because of this article.”
He sighed but I could tell he wasn’t convinced. “I hope not. What can change is that patients won’t want me as their surgeon. Donors won’t want their donation associated with my name.”
The timer in the kitchen went off so I jumped up and went to the stove to finish getting breakfast ready. When the eggs were finished cooking, I buttered the toast and brought two plates to the island so Drake and I could eat our breakfast.
“Breakfast is ready,” I said, and went into the living room where he sat still hunched over the laptop, his face dark. He glanced up and forced a smile, but I saw him inhale heavily and knew that the whole business was a heavy weight on his shoulders. Finally, reluctantly, he stood up and closed the laptop, putting on a brave face and joining me at the kitchen island.
He sat beside me and leaned over, kissing my cheek while I placed a napkin beside his plate. “At least I have you and Sophie. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“If you didn’t have us, none of this would have happened,” I said, for although I couldn’t imagine not having met Drake and not having Sophia, I knew it was because of us that he was in this predicament now.
“If I didn’t have you and Sophie, I’d be an empty shell of a man running fast between one part of my life to another to ignore how lonely I was.”
I met his eyes and felt mine well up with tears.
“Come here,” he said and pulled me onto his lap, our breakfasts forgotten. “What’s with the tears? We’re together. The three of us are a family and we’ll always have each other.”
I nodded and thought about my talk with Lara, but I didn’t want to admit how sad I had been in the last couple of weeks. I’d hidden my sadness, my tears, wanting Drake to feel happy with his life considering how he had to give up so much for us. There was no need for both of us to be unhappy. Drake needed me to be positive, supportive, happy, so I pretended that I was.
Finally, I tried to move over to my stool, but he prevented me.
“Wait,” he said and adjusted me on his lap. “Let me feed you, mommy.”
“What?” I said and made a face, smiling.
“I’m serious,” he said. “All you do, all you’ve done since Sophie was born is feed her, change her, bathe her, hold her. You need someone to give you some TLC. Let me feed you. You know I love doing it.”
I laughed finally, smiling at him through my tears, which seemed to have stopped. “You love doing it as a prelude to sex. I’m afraid Sophie’s going to wake up soon and that’ll be it for the rest of the day for me.”
I made a pouty face, feeling bad that I’d mentioned sex – or our lack of a sex life.
“Shh,” he said and put his
finger over my lips. “I want to feed you because I want to look after you. You have to realize that it brings out these very Dom feelings in me, being able to look after you.”
I finally nodded and waited while he forked some egg and held it up to my mouth. I accepted it and chewed while he lifted the corner of toast and I took a bite. I washed it all down with a mouthful of coffee, which I held myself.
Drake fed me the entire plate, using the fork to feed himself as well, and we talked in soft voices about the rest of the day, what groceries we needed to order from the organic grocer down the street, who delivered, and what meals we’d like to make for the week.
Finally, when we were finished eating, we tidied up quickly and then Sophie started grousing again on the baby monitor so I went into her room and watched her in the dimness. She was feeding every two or three hours and so I didn’t want to get her up too quickly. She settled down and so I crept out of the room and went to have a shower while Drake was busy in his office, reading over the article and speaking on the phone to someone.
