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"It has and it is. But I want you as well." He reaches out to take my hand. "India, I know you. I know what you want. I'll give you what I can give. You have to decide if it's enough."
I just sit there and look at him for a moment, hoping to see something in his eyes that tells me I can trust him.
"India, do you really think I'd do this if I wasn't very serious about us?"
"I hope not, but I've seen you with so many women…"
"None of them were you."
"Why can't you say the word?"
He pulls his hand away. "What word? What word haven't I said that doesn't indicate I want you and that I don't want anyone else?"
"You know," I say, frustrated that he won't say it. Exclusive.
"Take what I can give you or tell me goodbye."
Our food comes, interrupting this very tense moment between us. I sit and glance down at the food and although my stomach was growling on the way over, now, I feel slightly nauseated. I don’t like this tension between us. I don't want the drama.
I realize I do want Jon.
"Okay," I say finally. I look up at Jon. He stops what he's doing, apparently surprised at what I've said.
"Okay what?"
"Okay, I'll take what you can give me."
He reaches across the table and takes my hand. He pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles. It's a sweet romantic gesture and it warms my heart a little – well, a lot.
"We only live once, India. Don’t let your fears keep you from really living."
"You're so fearless," I say, my eyes stinging at the corners. I bite the inside of my lip, to stop my over-reaction to him. Why am I being like this?
I want Jon.
Why can't I just let myself enjoy him?
I'm determined to let myself enjoy him – for however long I have him.
"India, neither of us can predict the future. All we have is what's here and now. What I want is you being with me at work and here and in my bed. That's something I can trust – how we feel when we're together. How we want to get back together when we're apart."
"I know you're right," I say and pull my hand away. "I'm just afraid of being hurt." I pick up my knife and fork and dig into my bacon and eggs.
"I don't ever intend to hurt you," Jon says and he's still focused on me.
"Someone else said that to me once," I say, my voice low. "He hurt me."
"I'm not him. Hurting you is the last thing I want. I want us to be happy and enjoy each other. What we have is unique. It's special. It’s not often a man and a woman start a company together and have a relationship that is more than just business. We've always been friends. Now, we'll be more."
I glance up at him.
"For someone who's so dead set against saying the word, you sure say a lot of them."
He cracks a grin. "You're the one who needs words. I thought they'd make you less afraid."
"I like what I heard."
"Good," he says and grabs his piece of toast, using it to spear his egg yolks. "My job here is done."
