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Melanie says, “You’re a Leo, Teddy. It’s so obvious. Look at the lion, lying there being groomed by the virgin.”
I have to laugh. “Oof, way too close to the truth.” I see the question Mel is too afraid to ask. “I lost my virginity at prom. And . . . that was the last time. Teddy knows this already.”
“After a drought that long, I will give you a pass to have a one-night stand during the Sasaki Method program.” She looks at my hands in his hair, his endless legs carelessly kicked out. She compresses her lips. “A one-night stand with a stranger, not this one here. So what’s the name Theodore mean, anyway?”
“Guess.” If he was hoping for flattery, he is sorely disappointed.
Me: “Vagabond.”
Melanie: “Infant bear.”
Me: “Lord of legs.”
Melanie: “Train wreck.”
Me: “Hot mess.”
Melanie: “Lazy rich boy.”
He laughs and hates us. “Shut up, both of you. You’re so wrong. I was named perfectly.” He reaches out a hand and turns TJ back toward us again.
I leaf through T and read out loud: “Theodore. You’ve got to be kidding me.” I close my eyes. “God’s gift.”
Melanie’s howls echo off the hillside.
“You think I’m God’s gift?” He snuggles himself up a little on my thighs. He makes me feel like I’ve got the best lap there is. “Thank you, Ruthie. You always make me feel good about myself.”
“Back to the matter at hand, making Ruthie feel good about he
rself,” Melanie tells him in a warning tone. “Open the app, Ms. Midona. Now open the messages. The top three or so are our potential Mr. Ruthies.”
“How many guys have you been messaging as me?” I scroll down a few hundred yards. “Mel, this is crazy. How much time have you spent doing this?”
“I’ve been trawling the ocean for you,” she defends herself. “You should be thanking me. That sexy glasses guy named Christopher has asked if you want to get coffee.” There’s a bear growl from my lap.
“How did I get this many matches? Did you photoshop my head onto a hot bikini?” No, she didn’t. It’s just the picture Teddy took of me at my desk. Flattery is an unexpected cozy fire I’ve stumbled upon, and I’m feeling a glow. “Weird.”
Teddy is sour. “Random guys make you feel more flattered than I ever could.”
I press his frown line away with my fingertips. “That’s because they’re not after my Wi-Fi password.”
Mel remembers something. “Where’s your janky old motorbike? It’s gone from the courtyard.”
“I assume it’s in his bed. Handlebars on the pillows.” Every time I get him to grin, it feels like I’ve won something.
She takes my phone from me and begins typing. “If you have no objections, we’ll go with Brendan. No objections from Ruthie,” she clarifies as Teddy opens his mouth to speak. She stares at the screen, then smiles. “Instant reply. He’s keen. Next Thursday. I’ve got a date too. We can both be in the Thunderdome and I’ll take care of you from afar.”
“Sounds good.” Also sounds scary.
Mel checks the time. “Whoops, sun’s going down. I’ve gotta go. Read over Week 4. Chat to guys on MatchUp. Go flirt with two real guys, I don’t care if they’re nerds at the library. Just get some real practice in on someone who isn’t Teddy. Then we’ll set up a date for this coming Thursday.”
“She can practice on me any old day,” Teddy says, stretching and snuggling again.
She smiles down at him with all her teeth. “Enjoy that lap while it lasts, bucko.”
“I sure will,” he replies in the exact same faux-sweet tone.
Melanie gathers up all her belongings, which takes quite a lot of time, and off she goes. “Bye,” she calls into the powder-pink sunset. “Teddy, you gotta get ready to let her go.”
