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“What do you mean?”
“Your big brother or your fake dad?”
She sighed. “What difference would it make?”
“You’re right. Both of us want to grind the dude’s dick to dust. Is he still around?”
“Not sure if I should tell you now that I know you used to beat up guys for fun.” She shook herself like a wet dog. “I still don’t believe that.”
“I wouldn’t beat him up. I’d have a little talk to him.”
“You’d intimidate him into a puddle of piss.”
That would be the plan. “You don’t think he earned that?”
“He moved away. And I don’t hang with the same peeps any more. I’m not going to be a virgin when I get married or anything dumb like that, but I’m not ready and there’s no guy I like that way. I just.” She sighed. “How will I know when I’m ready?”
“Jesus, Etta.” His phone rang. He pulled it out and answered. Merrill, talking fast. He could hear Mia grizzling in the background. They were home from the hospital. Audrey was stable, but they’d not been able to see her. Esther was arriving tomorrow. Mia was unsettled. She wanted to play treehouse, what was that?
He told Merrill how to build Mia’s pretend treehouse out of a sheet, the ironing board and a lounge chair and they rang off. That was the easy stuff. Etta watched him like he had all the answers.
“It’s tricky being with other people. I was seventeen. She was too. It was pretty awful. Neither of us knew what we were doing. I hurt her. Not intentionally, just not knowing. We avoided each other after that. For a long time I was nervous about hurting girls.”
For a long time he only touched them when everyone had partied too hard, it was the only way to beat the fear. Then, when he was fighting, it came easily. Women wanted him and he didn’t care to correct them. None of them mattered until Sky.
“You have to find someone you like, that you can talk to, that you can be honest with. Otherwise—”
“Gross.”
“It’s just bodies, and that can be good, but it’s better if your head’s in it too.” He gave her a squeeze then released her. “You’re not ready, Etta. Find someone you care about who cares about you first.”
“Your head was in it with Sky. But you broke up.”
He sighed. “We weren’t enjoying being with each other anymore. We had different expectations about life.” And Audrey, there was Audrey, accepting him for who he was.
“I’m giving them up, the cigs. I don’t even like smoking. It makes your hair smell rank.”
His phone rang. Merrill again.
Etta stood up. “You’re never getting the bedroom back.” That was all the thanks he was going to get from her. She went inside as he put the phone to his ear.
“I know you probably hate Joe and me right now, but we have a problem. Mia is sitting in the corner of her room. She won’t come out. We can’t distract her and the treehouse didn’t work. She won’t eat. She screams if I come near. I know she’s safe and she’ll tire herself out, but that’s so...I don’t know how to ask this since we shut you out this morning, but do you think she’d respond to you?”
There was no guarantee she would. But he couldn’t not try. He drove to Audrey’s. The door was open and Merrill was hovering in the hallway. She showed him through to Mia’s room. Mia had squished herself into a corner between a chair and a chest of drawers. She was whimpering and sniffing. He said her name and she went quiet.
He sat cross-legged in the middle of the rug. “There’s no room for me near you, Mia. If you want, you could come over here.”
“No.”
“I’m glad Merrill and Joe are here, but I’m sad about Mum, because she’s sick.”
“Mum has to come because it’s not good. I want Mum.”
“I do too.” In ways that made him ache that he didn’t understand. “Tomorrow we’ll be able to go see her.” Or someone would need to come up with a fresh lie.
“Now.”
“It’s very late now. At the hospital all the people would be in their beds going to sleep so they feel better in the morning.”
