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Her emotional resistance was the crux of everything that led to them, he knew. She was afraid of making another mistake. Of letting anyone too close, caring too much, of trusting instincts she believed were no longer accurate or reliable. Afraid of experiencing more failure, more loss, more pain.
Unfortunately, life didn’t come with any guarantees against heartache and misery.
“Does that include me?” His tone was soft, but his question was frank and ruthless, forcing her to face what she’d been avoiding for the past two days—them.
Her chin lifted a fraction and her gaze narrowed on him. “What, exactly, are you asking?”
He pushed his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans, trying to keep calm when his insides were twisting into a huge knot of turmoil. But he’d come this far with her and he wasn’t about to leave without laying all his cards on the table, no matter what it might end up costing him personally.
“Are you allowing the incident with Brian to keep you from letting yourself trust in what’s between us?” he asked. “What can be between us?”
She bristled defensively. “What’s between you and me has nothing to do with Brian or my past. We had a fling. An affair. Neither one of us made any promises to the other.”
Despite the desperation he heard in her voice, anger flared through him—that she’d reduced their relationship to something so superficial. “We might not have made any verbal promises,” he agreed tightly, “but there was a hell of a lot more between us than just hot sex, and you know it, even if you won’t admit it out loud.” And if they weren’t in a place where anyone could walk in on them, he’d push her up against the wall and prove it to her…make her melt with a kiss, make her moan with an intimate caress, and make her beg for what her body craved and her mind so obstinately refused to acknowledge. That she needed the physical and emotional connection they shared.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered in an aching tone.
A muscle in his cheek flexed. He had no idea if she was apologizing for all that had happened between them, or if she was feeling contrite for what she couldn’t bring herself to give to him. A commitment. And yes, promises, too. Either way, his annoyance and frustration mounted.
“I don’t want your apology, Jo. I want you,” he said, deciding that he was done catering to her fears when she held a huge part of his future in her hands. “And I’m optimistic enough to believe that we can find a way to make things work between us, even if it means long-distance commuting until I get things finalized with my father’s company.”
Her eyes widened in shock at his candid intentions, and she shook her head. “I’m not ready for that.”
Would she ever be ready to take that leap of faith with him? he wondered. He stared at her as long seconds ticked past and came t
o realize that, for her, backing away from taking personal risks now equaled no chance of experiencing more pain. She was so wrapped up in the remorse of her past actions that she refused to move forward with her life. He planned to give her a forceful nudge.
“Guilt is a powerful motivator, isn’t it, Jo?”
Her cheeks flushed a warm shade of red. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you?” he countered bluntly. “The guilt you feel over Brian’s death motivates all your actions, whether you realize it or not. You lost Brian over a man who’d kidnapped a child, and now you pour all your extra time into finding abducted children. And you’re always caught up in trying to be tough and in control and proving to everyone around you that you’re strong and capable. You had a moment of weakness, Jo, and you have to get past the blame so you can forgive yourself and go on with your life.” He softened his tone. “It’s okay to be vulnerable, and it’s more than okay to need someone. You can’t let one incident rule the rest of your life.”
She remained quiet, and he took advantage of her silence to further his argument. “I know this isn’t something you want to hear, but I’m going to say it anyway. I’m falling in love with you, Jo.” Harsh laughter escaped him. “Fuck, who am I kidding? I’m already there.”
Once the words were out in the open, they felt right and undeniable and perfectly etched in his heart and soul. Closing the distance between them, he reached out and brushed his fingers along her silken cheek. “But maybe I need to wait for you to catch up and admit that you feel the same. Or maybe I’m a fool for believing you’ll eventually come around and realize that you have nothing at all to prove to me. That I care about you and accept you just the way you are, mistakes and all.”
Her eyes glittered with renewed moisture and conflicting emotions—longings, uncertainties, and deep-rooted fears. She chewed on her bottom lip, seemingly struggling with wanting to believe all he’d said, but allowing doubts to surface and shake her confidence.
She stayed silent. Their gazes remained connected, but Dean’s entire body felt hollow and empty, like he’d just lost an integral part of himself he never knew existed until he’d fallen in love with Jo. And that’s exactly what had happened, when he’d least expected it, too.
Now there was nothing left to say to convince this stubborn woman standing in front of him that her fear of failure was a logical insecurity after all she’d been through, that she did have the ability to conquer her darkest fears if only she’d make the effort. Her emotional scars ran deep, wrapped up tight in guilt and regrets only she could absolve. And while he knew with certainty that she possessed the internal strength to banish all those demons that haunted her dreams, her soul even, she had to believe it for herself.
The door to Jo’s office abruptly opened, and she visibly jumped and quickly swiped at the dampness clinging to her bottom lashes. She scowled at whoever had intruded into the room, and Dean glanced over his shoulder to find Cole standing in the middle of her office, a file folder in hand and a frown in place.
She shot her brother an annoyed look, which didn’t do much to cover up the misery still reflected on her face. “When a door is closed, that usually means a person wants privacy, Cole.”
Her brother’s gaze took in how upset Jo was, then shifted to Dean. His stare turned harsh and penetrating, protective even. “I didn’t know anyone was in here with you.”
“Exactly,” she said irritably. “Next time knock before you barge in.”
Cole strolled up to the front of Jo’s desk and tossed the file folder next to her opened laptop computer, though his gaze never left Dean’s. “Now that your name has been cleared, I thought you’d be long gone.”
Didn’t Cole wish, Dean thought. Refusing to let the other man intimidate him in any way, he shrugged. “Just tying up a few loose ends first,” he replied easily, and let Cole come to his own conclusions about that comment.
The room grew silent for long seconds, then Cole spoke again. “Since you’re here, it’ll save Jo a phone call. I just received word from Vince. The guy who assumed your identity was taken into custody last night at a warehouse raid where undercover cops traced a stolen vehicle.”
A huge burden had just been lifted off of Dean’s shoulders, yet one still remained. One he knew he’d carry with him all the way back to Seattle. “Thank you.” Figuring it was time he broke the ice with Jo’s brother, he extended his hand toward the other man. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”
