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“I’d tell you to shove the request up your ass,” Noah replied, his tone laced with disgust. “I’m not about to tail her like she’s some kind of parolee. If you want to know her daily agenda, then you follow her yourself.” He shook his head. “God, you’re pathetic.”
Yeah, he was pathetic, and desperate, Cole silently admitted as he finished off his beer. He was equally chagrined with his obsessive need to keep tabs on Melodie, but couldn’t seem to help himself, despite the difficult lesson he’d learned spying on Melodie for her father. “I just want to be sure she’s doing okay.”
“Who are you kidding?” Noah asked incredulously while signaling the bar waitress for a second round of drinks. “My guess is that you’re trying to assuage your guilt for what happened between the two of you, which is ridiculous. Melodie’s doing great. Better than you, anyway. According to Jo, she’s out applying for jobs and has a few potential leads with other PI firms, while you’ve kept yourself holed up in your office. You’re always distracted and grumpy, and you look like hell warmed over.”
Natalie came by their table to deliver two more beers and a fresh bowl of peanuts, and while Noah paid for the drinks and flirted with the pretty bar waitress, Cole internalized his situation with Melodie until he felt as though he’d grown an ulcer.
Exhaling heavily, he scrubbed a hand along his taut jaw, the stubble on his face giving credence to his brother’s remark about his unkempt appearance. Noah was right—he looked and felt like hell these days, like an intrinsic part of him was missing. He was floundering, trying to grasp onto any semblance of the control that had once come so easily to him.
Ever since he’d admitted to his attraction to Melodie, there had been no control over his heart or emotions. And because he’d chosen to mix business with pleasure, he’d lost the best damn secretary he’d ever had, which accounted in part for his feelings of disorientation at the office.
Yet he also acknowledged that he’d lost more than a secretary, and now that she was gone, he realized he’d depended on Melodie in ways that went beyond handling payables and receivables and contracts. She’d been someone he could bounce ideas off of, a trusted confidante, and she’d delved into cases with enthusiasm and interest, sometimes turning up information someone else had overlooked.
Nothing was the same without Melodie, and he couldn’t bring himself to replace her. He’d lost much more than an efficient bookkeeper and assistant, he’d forfeited the warmth of friendship, the excitement and intimacy of a selfless lover. And he was certain no one could even come close to filling the void she’d left behind.
There were no more spontaneous lunches to enjoy, no smiles brightening his day, no erotic letters and no more shameless seductions. Many times he’d found himself heading out to the reception area to discuss a client with Melodie, or get an opinion on a case, only to remember that she was no longer there. No longer a part of his life. In any way.
There was no reason for him to contact her, especially since she’d left a message on his answering machine at home a few nights ago reassuring him in an unemotional tone that she wasn’t pregnant, after all. Instead of relief, he’d experienced an undefinable emotion that left him cold and empty inside.
Cole absently rubbed a spot on his chest, right where his heart beat heavily, achingly, as it had for the past week since the day Melodie had walked out of his office. He waited patiently for Natalie to move on to the next table and noticed the way Noah’s gaze followed the other woman in a slightly territorial way.
“Watch yourself with her,” Cole said, feeling the need to dole out a bit of brotherly advice. “She doesn’t seem like your love ’em and leave ’em type.”
“Don’t you worry about me,” Noah drawled with a charming grin and tipped his bottle of beer Cole’s way. “I know how to handle women, but you, on the other hand, have a whole lot to learn.”
He couldn’t bring himself to argue Noah’s too-accurate statement. Cracking open the shell of a peanut, he tossed the nut into his mouth, chewed, then asked one of the questions that had been in the back of his mind for a while now. “Do you ever think about what happened to Mom and Dad and feel as though their nasty divorce makes you more cautious about women and relationships?”
Noah shrugged, not really answering the question for himself. “I think since you were the oldest, the divorce affected you the hardest, along with Dad’s death. You’ve been so wrapped up in taking care of me and Jo for so long that you’ve never really had any time for you.”
Cole shook off how Noah’s words echoed his conversation with Melodie. “You both are grown and doing your own thing,” he said, swiping his fingers down the condensation gathering on his beer glass. “I have plenty of time for me.”
“And how do you spend that time?” Noah asked and answered his own question before Cole did. “Working, at the office, at home, and having an occasional drink with a buddy. Don’t you want more than that?”
Melodie had asked him the same thing. Until recently, he would have said no, that he was happy being a bachelor and was content with the way he lived his life. But his time with Melodie had changed his way of thinking and made him look at his life in a different way, made him wonder what he was missing out on because of his narrow-minded views on relationships.
Noah took a long swallow of his beer and eyed Cole candidly, brother to brother. “So, when are you going to face the fact that Melodie is the one for you?”
Cole raised a brow. “Excuse me?”
“I can see it and so can Jo,” Noah went on ruthlessly. “Did you tell Melodie that you love her before she quit?”
Cole shifted under his brother’s scrutiny. “What makes you think I love her?”
“Because I’ve never seen any woman tie you up in knots the way Mel has,” Noah replied simply. “You’re so in love with her you can’t think straight.” He held up a quick hand to stall Cole’s automatic objection. “Don’t bother denying it, because the only person you’ll be fooling is yourself.”
And fooling himself had gotten him nowhere, he realized.
Noah stood and picked up his bottle of beer. “Think about this mess you’ve made of things between you and Melodie, then do something about it before Jo and I slap the shit out of you.”
Cole watched his brother head to the bar and take a seat at the end where Murphy put drinks for Natalie to deliver. Alone, Cole nursed his own beer and contemplated the situation until his head hurt. But no matter how many ways he viewed things, the conclusion was the same.
He loved Melodie and she was his life. He could choose to let her walk away or he could choose to win her back—for himself and for the agency.
The decision was his. A shiver rippled through him as everything clicked into place. Raising his siblings might not have been a choice for him, but a life with Melodie was.
Cole knew what he had to do. No more denying his feelings. No more excuses for keeping his distance. As for Richard, the older man would just have to accept that Cole was in love with his daughter.
He was going after Melodie—con
