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The profundity of his friend’s words of wisdom made Noah curious. “Are you speaking from personal experience?”
Bobby shrugged, neither confirming nor denying the direct question. “Just trust me on this, Noah. If she’s the woman you love, then fight for her.”
Noah had never been put in such a position before, having to win the affection of a woman. But then, he’d never wanted a woman as much as he needed Natalie in his life. And how ironic was it that he’d protected his emotions for so long, only to fall for the one woman who remained elusive to him?
He’d watched Joelle and Cole struggle with the same fears and doubts not that long ago. He’d even helped them to recognize the weaknesses that had prevented them from grasping happiness together. What Noah hadn’t admitted to himself was that he’d been afflicted with the same insecurities as a result of his shaky childhood.
The scared little boy in him who’d faced so much rejection and pain in the past had kept him from laying his soul on the line the morning Chad had attacked Natalie. As hard as it was for him to admit, he’d been scared of taking a personal gamble that would leave him emotionally vulnerable. Then and there, he should have been brave enough to tell Natalie exactly how he felt about her, as Bobby had suggested. With the return of her memory, she needed to understand that his feelings for her were real, and not a part of some pretense designed to protect her.
Now that he had distance from the situation, it wasn’t difficult for him to recognize that they were both running from a lifetime of tragic memories. They each harbored a fear of intimacy, feared trusting another person with their heart and soul. And yet he trusted Natalie with his life. He wanted her for keeps and forever, and he wasn’t going to hide behind a painful past any lo
nger when she was everything he’d ever dreamed of, and so much more. And that meant taking chances…like finally buying her the engagement ring she deserved. A symbol of his belief in her, and an eternal commitment to them as a couple. It was time he faced his own fears and took a risk with his emotions, and with Natalie.
He had nothing left to lose, except his heart.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Natalie stood in the center of her studio apartment Saturday morning, unable to believe that her entire life could be packed into only half a dozen boxes. That was the extent of the personal belongings she’d collected over the years. She still had a few breakable items she needed to wrap up, but other than that, she was nearly set to leave Oakland and start out fresh…yet again.
Her chest squeezed tight with heartache, a reaction she should have grown used to the past week without Noah, but one that only seemed to get worse with each day that passed. She hoped the distance of her move would help ease her misery. By Monday she would be gone, a memory to all who’d touched her life so briefly, yet so profoundly.
An overwhelming sadness washed over her, and she immediately chastised herself for wallowing in grief. She was used to being on her own, and she wasn’t a stranger to starting over. Being raised in a multitude of foster homes had conditioned her to being resilient and taught her not to get too attached to any one person or any particular place.
With the onslaught of her amnesia, all the rules she’d lived by for so long had been forgotten. She hadn’t remembered that she needed to protect her emotions from Noah, which had allowed another part of her personality to develop and blossom. She’d been open and uninhibited with him, and her sense of freedom with Noah had felt so liberating. And while so many men through the years, Chad included, had treated her like a sex object with long legs and big breasts, she’d never once felt as though her body was the key factor in Noah’s interest. He’d been noble until she’d seduced him, genuinely concerned about her safety, and so incredibly caring, sweet, and tender.
He’d set her confined soul free, in a way she’d never imagined possible. In a way that began and ended with her love for Noah.
A shiver coursed through her, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach, realizing just how much she stood to lose. Despite their fabricated engagement, there was no doubt in her mind that Noah was a man to believe in and trust…with her heart and her future. Yet they both seemed to be running scared of all that had developed between them in such a short amount of time. Her desire to be with Noah was so overpowered by her fear of being too vulnerable and too dependent on another person that she wasn’t facing what her heart truly wanted.
She straightened and lifted her chin mutinously. “It’s time you stopped running, Natalie,” she said to herself sternly, knowing that her instinct to flee had to end so she could finally take charge of her life, her future. And the only way she could accomplish that was to stay in Oakland and continue to make a life for herself here, as she’d always intended. She needed to follow her heart and embrace the challenge, instead of always taking the easy way out.
Chad was being prosecuted with numerous felony charges that would keep him behind bars for years. She had a job she enjoyed at Murphy’s, and with just one more year of college, she’d have her degree in social work.
Undoubtedly, she belonged here, in a way she’d never belonged anywhere else. And Noah, with his protective nature and caring ways, was the reason. And if she wanted a relationship with him to work, she had to be willing to meet him halfway, in all things—including love, respect and trust. If he was still interested in a relationship. After the way she’d walked out of his life last weekend, and hadn’t contacted him since, she wasn’t so sure.
A knock sounded at her door, startling her. Figuring it was the apartment manager delivering her check for half the amount of that month’s rent, Natalie opened the door and found Noah standing on the other side of the threshold. She sucked in a startled breath, and her eyes widened in surprise.
“Noah!” she gasped, a surge of hope mingling with uncertainty.
A lazy smile eased up the corners of his mouth, as if he didn’t have a care in the world, reminding her of the easygoing bachelor he’d been before he’d taken her into his protective custody as his “fiancée.” While she felt like a disheveled mess in a pair of old cutoffs and an untucked blouse, he looked damned sexy and all male in a pair of casual jeans and a blue shirt that stretched across the broad expanse of his chest. His dark hair was tousled, and his striking blue eyes appraised her in turn.
“Hello, Natalie,” he drawled, his voice so deep and sexy that her body surged with instantaneous awareness. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” she said, pasting on a semblance of a bright smile. He brushed past her into the small living area that encompassed her bed and a few necessary pieces of furniture.
Closing the door after him, she waved an apologetic hand at the open boxes scattered on the floor and the rumpled covers on her bed. “Sorry about the mess in here.”
His gaze took in everything before coming back to rest on her, the flexing muscle in his jaw the only indication of emotion. “I heard you were leaving,” he said gruffly.
She shoved her fingers into the back pockets of her shorts and affected a nonchalant attitude, though she craved his touch, his warmth. God, she’d missed him so much this past week! How had she believed that she could leave this man behind when he’d become her whole reason for living?
“I was thinking of moving to San Diego,” she said.
He tipped his head curiously. “You were going to leave without saying goodbye?”
He looked and sounded genuinely hurt, and she hated that she was the source. She couldn’t judge where they stood as a couple, or what the reason was for Noah’s surprise visit, but with her decision to remain in Oakland firm, she needed to be honest and up front with him. “Noah…”
As if he didn’t want to hear what she had to say, he started toward her, completely, overwhelmingly male, making her words stall in her throat as he approached her so determinedly. Stopping inches away, he tangled his fingers into her hair and tipped her head back so she had no choice but to look up at him and meet his hot blue gaze.
