AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I may be getting older, but I’m not senile yet, Harlow. What’s the man’s name.”
“What man?” Maybe I can play dumb, and we don't have to discuss this.
“The man that’s got you so much lighter.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. And I haven’t lost a lot of weight, have I?” I look down at my stomach.
She laughs and swats my arm lightly. “Not that kind of lighter. I mean that you seem much happier. The world isn’t so heavy. And I know my daughter. You only get that way when you’re talking to someone.”
I hate that she’s so perceptive, but I think that’s where I get it from. A lot of the times, it’s easy to read people and figure out what they’re going through. Still, when the spotlight’s on me, I want to turn and run.
“He’s no one, Mom. Just a guy I’ve been talking to.”
“No,” she shakes her head. “No, this isn’t just a man you’ve sent emails and texts to. This is someone you have feelings for. Tell me about him.”
I groan and scape the carrots into the boiling broth. “I'll just say that he's someone I met through work. He's funny, creative, and caring. I like him a lot.”
“So, is he your boyfriend?”
“No, it’s complicated,” I say.
“Complicated? Harlow, please don’t tell me he has a wife or something. Lord, I might have a heart attack if—”
“Mom!” I exclaim. “Jesus, no. He's not married, I promise. It's just a tough situation to be in. We're not supposed to be together. Our relationship isn't appropriate, and honestly…I'm not sure I even trust him to be just mine. He hasn't always been loyal in the past, and I'm scared that if I open myself up to him, he'll hurt me.”
I can't believe I say that. I've never admitted this to anyone, not even myself. But I don't think there's any use in pretending I feel any other way. I want to be with him, but the idea of giving myself to him and having him turn around and cheat on me scares the shit out of me. I'm hesitant to give more to him and risk getting heartbroken. His entire book is built around a relationship heavy with infidelity. He's stepped out on his girlfriend before and knowing that makes me want to run far away.
But then I think about how he looks at me and the way he makes me feel and I’m tempted to fall back into his arms and ask him for more. I can hardly stand it.
“Well, if you want my opinion, I think ‘we’re not supposed to be together’ is horseshit.”
I spin around to look at my mother in shock. She’s a regular church-going, God-fearing woman. She doesn’t use words like that. “Mom!”
“I’m just saying. I think if you want to be with someone, you’ll find a way to do it. You say he’s not been faithful before, but people grow, and people change. You’re not the same girl you were after your first breakup. There’s a good chance he’s not the same man he was after his affair. If he’s as great as you say he is, I think you should really give him a chance. Or at the very least, tell him about how you’re feeling.”
I want to laugh it off, but her words are like whiskey down my throat. They burn with the truth. I nod my head, unable to argue with her.
“Finish up cooking, now. I’m getting hungry.”
I laugh and grab the ladle. “You go have a seat, and I'll finish with dinner.”
While Mom flips through channels on the TV, I add the final ingredients to the vegetable soup. It’s her favorite, and I like it because I never eat it all and I have leftovers for the rest of the week. Thankfully while we eat, Mom doesn’t bring up Liam or any other men in my life. Instead, we talk about Tyler and Britney and how we need to have another get-together soon. I’m not opposed to the idea. I miss Britney and her kids, and I love being around Tyler, so I’m up for it.
Finally, the night winds down and I say goodbye to Mom. I walk her down to her car and wave as she rounds the corner and heads home. Tonight went much better than I originally planned. Mom's a handful most of the time, but she wasn't too bad. If most nights were like this, I think I'd invite her over for dinner once or twice a week.
When I make it back to my apartment, I clean up the dishes and spoon the soup into various plastic bowls. I put lids on them before tossing them in the fridge for later. When everything else is clean, I head to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for bed. I’m in the middle of washing my hair when I hear my phone go off. Carefully, I grab it from the counter and answer it.
“Hello?”
“Bad time?” Liam asks.
“Sorta, I’m just in the shower. What’s up?”
“Well, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to come over and join me tonight. I think we need to talk about some things, and I want to see you again while I’m still in town. I leave on Thursday.”
The petulant, childish part of me wants to turn him down and give him the cold shoulder. The side of me that's grown up, and mature tells me that I need to talk to him about my feelings. For a second, I give in to my bad side.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Liam.”
