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‘I accept your apology, Nili Verma,’ Koyal mumbled. ‘I will be gracious and kind to you. And while we can never be friends, I will cease to hate you. Time spent hating is time lost and I am done losing time. At the very least, I hope you have loved Atharv deeply and truly.’
And as that thought took shape in her head, Koyal froze. This only meant one thing. Even after all these years of first hating him and then trying hard to not hate him, and the years of strugging with what had happened, she still cared for that man.
She shook her head in frustration. She did not want to hate him and she certainly did not want to care about him. No, not after what had happened. Never, never again would Atharv Jayakrishna hold any importance in her life.
Koyal looked up when she felt eyes on her. Atharv had appeared in the living room and was staring at her, a strange, unreadable expression in his eyes. He was thinking, yes, she could see that, analysing even, but was there a streak of kindness in them, a kinship of some sort? Why did she think he wanted to rush to her side, take her in his arms and tell her it would all be okay? Madness, she thought, for when she looked at him again, the kind look, or whatever it had been, was gone and harsh eyes now glared at her.
Surya Aunty sat Koyal on a comfortable sofa and took her hand in hers.
‘Tell me everything,’ Surya Aunty was saying. ‘How is everything? How is everyone? How have you been?’ She looked at Atharv who was about to leave the room. ‘Now you two, stop fighting like babies. Come and sit here, Atharv,’ she added sternly.
‘I need to go, Mum,’ he said but sat down when Surya Aunty glared at him.
‘So,’ said Koyal and Surya Aunty in unison and they both giggled.
‘How is Priya?’ Surya Aunty asked.
‘How is Nili?’ Koyal asked at the same time.
The two women stared at each other, the smiles gone now.
Feeling a cold hand clutch her heart, Koyal spoke first.
‘Ma is no more, Aunty,’ she said, her voice sombre. Even after all these years it felt weird to say the words. There was something so wrong about them. Of course Ma was there – she was always there in her thoughts, in her actions, in her spirit.
Surya Aunty stared unblinkingly at Koyal, seemingly frozen.
Koyal prepared herself for the inevitable questions. Questions she usually hated to answer but wanted to answer this time. The how and the when and the how are you dealing with it.
Instead, Surya Aunty said something that for a second made no sense to Koyal.
‘Nili is no more, Koyal,’ Surya Aunty said.
21
Stunned, Koyal turned to look at Atharv.
He was still looking at her, his eyes hard and angry.
Surya Aunty was saying something, none of which reached Koyal. She was staring at Atharv, her brain unable to process what she had just heard.
As she stared at Atharv, she found that her heart was twitching with a weird kind of ache – a sort of ache she had never experienced before. She had hated, been jealous of and felt disgusted by what she’d imagined was a very happy marriage. The happily ever after.
Not this.
For a moment, Koyal tried to picture Nili’s death and felt shivers run down her spine at the thought of what Atharv must have gone through.
‘I’ll quickly check on something in the kitchen,’ Surya Aunty mumbled, looking first at Koyal and then at Atharv, before leaving them alone. She knew that no matter what had happened between them, for now, they needed a moment alone.
And so Atharv and Koyal sat a few feet apart, not saying a word, not looking at each other, both trying to come to terms with news that was heart-breaking. Silence hung heavy around them like a thick, sad curtain, too heavy for anyone to lift. Koyal finally looked up at him; he was staring at his knees, lost in thought. Thoughts that were tormenting him. His eyes no longer seemed harsh or angry – they were softer, sadder … In that moment, Koyal felt she could see and sense every dark day Atharv had been through during and after Nili’s death, and something inside her gave way. She felt tears begin to pool in her eyes.
I am crying because Nili is dead, she thought disbelievingly.
You are crying because you know what Atharv must have gone through when Nili died, the voice in her head corrected her.
But I don’t care about Atharv, she argued with the voice.
‘When…’ said Atharv finally. ‘Um … when did Priya Aunty … um…’
