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Koyal stood, still trying hard to think about all the hatred she had held in her heart for Atharv, but nothing came to her. ‘I am tired of being a stranger to you, Atharv,’ she heared herself say in between sobs. ‘I am tired.’
Wordlessly Atharv tightened his grip.
33
Just when the night is the darkest, dawn breaks through, marking the beginning of the beginning.
Koyal and Atharv sat on the sofa just like they used to on Koyal’s bed in Bhopal, shoulders touching in mute solidarity.
They looked at each other, grinned stupidly and looked away, only to again look at each other.
Have you ever wondered how it feels like to start something for the first time, again? A brand-new friendship with your oldest friend, perhaps?
It is heady and beautiful and fragile and strong and empowering and a million other things all rolled into one.
‘I feel like a teenager,’ said Koyal, giggling.
Atharv responded with a warm smile. The kind of smile that tells you it’s okay to run to this person when the entire world turns its back on you.
‘How did you know I was having a nightmare?’ Koyal asked in a whisper.
‘I do, just do,’ he answered, shrugging. ‘Always have.’
‘Even when…’
‘Even then.’
I will be there even when I am not there.
Atharv thought about the countless nights he had spent tossing and turning on his bed, awake and aware that somewhere in the world Koyal was up as well, scared and alone.
Koyal closed her eyes, feeling a pleasant wave of calmness wash over her, relishing how light it made her feel. Even though she had felt very isolated during those terrible years, she now knew that she hadn’t really been alone. This thought instantly took the edge off the pain she associated with the hardest years of her life.
‘Do you know what was the hardest thing for me?’
Koyal looked questioningly at Atharv.
‘To not find you,’ he said, staring into her eyes, ‘because I knew you did not wish to be found.’
Hit by the magnitude of his simple words, Koyal sat, eyes closed, unable to move, trying hard not to think about how much she had hated him then.
‘What were you punishing me for, Koyal?’ he asked.
Koyal looked down at her hands and Atharv let go of an exasperated sigh.
‘Koyal.’ Atharv now held her by her arms and she opened her eyes to look into his grief-stricken face. ‘I know I must have done something really horrible that made you want to never see me again … but … I need to tell you that whatever I did, I did it unknowingly. You have no idea … the number of hours I have spent going through everything that happened in the last few days we were together, unable to find anything that could be the reason behind all this…’
Koyal bit the insides of her cheek.
‘How desperately I wish you would tell me what it was. Maybe I can explain myself,’ Koyal was already shaking her head, ‘but I know you don’t want to do that…’
And Koyal breathed a sigh of relief. No, she just couldn’t tell him anything.
‘So, I just want to say sorry for whatever it was I did that hurt you so much. I can safely say that if I had known it would hurt you so, no matter what it was, I wouldn’t have done it.’
Words. They can uplift a soul, mend a broken heart, heal a crushed spirit.
Silent, dignified tears rushed down Koyal’s cheeks. Atharv hurriedly gathered her in his arms and Koyal rested her head on his shoulders.
