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I have never been more peeved.
2.00 p.m.
Padma ordered a cake for me. I cut it listlessly, my head wrapped in thoughts. Vijaywada, whom I have been avoiding, gave me a hug and a notebook with my name on it.
‘For you to make grand strategy plans for Vijaywada & Sons,’ he said, beaming.
I was so low that I did not even pretend to not have heard him. I did not crack a single joke about Vijaywada’s gift.
Not even one in my head.
4.00 p.m.
‘Maybe he has a really big surprise planned for you in the evening,’ Padma suggested.
I brightened up, immediately. Yes, I am sure that is the case. He will call me up any time soon, laughing and teasing.
7.00 p.m.
I closed my eyes and sat at my desk in front of the laptop. One hundred and seventy-four friends had posted birthday messages on my Facebook wall. Purva had still not called.
I had received seven texts from Anu and Pitajee, asking me to come out for a special birthday dinner. I had ignored all of them. Both of them had tried in vain to reach Purva. He was busy in the OT, the nurse had said each time. In the darkness that now surrounded me, I travelled back two years. I could still remember how Rajeev had made me feel on my birthday. Special. Very special.
I sighed. Could I stop thinking about Rajeev. I smacked the table in frustration.
10.00 p.m.
Why am I comparing this to the last birthday I celebrated with Rajeev? What is the point? Rajeev cheated on me and probably does not even remember my name now.
10.03 p.m.
How does it matter if one person did not call me on my birthday? Why don’t I look at the hundreds of others who did?
10.04 p.m.
I don’t want to cry.
10.05 p.m.
I won’t cry.
10.06 p.m.
Okay, just a little bit. After all, this has been a fairly disastrous birthday.
10.07 p.m.
The idea was to shed a few dignified tears, not bawl my head off like this.
10.11 p.m.
Almost mechanically, my fingers flew over the keyboard and before I knew it, Rediffmail was open. Without thinking, and blinking away tears, I typed in the username and password I had not used in two years.
‘There will probably be nothing from Rajeev...’ I mentally prepared myself.
After my break-up, I had abruptly cut off all ties with him. Anu used to work with Rajeev and he had tried to communicate with me through her when all else failed. I had deleted all the email accounts I had used then, changed my phone number, found a new job … I had done everything that I could to take myself away from Rajeev. Except for this one thing. Why I had not deleted this account, I cannot quite tell. What I can tell you is that I have not opened the account since the day I had caught Rajeev red-handed with Teena.
Until this moment.
