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Forcing myself to stay calm, I slowly stand from the hard floor. Once on my feet I take a moment to assess myself for injuries. Being unconscious and at their mercy is not something I want to think about too hard. The fact I’m alone without my two companions is even worse.
Other than soreness, I’m mainly just thirsty and hungry. Taking deep breaths, I quiet my panicked breathing and listen for any noises. My effort is only met with intense, uninterrupted silence. The deafening quiet surrounding me unnerves me even more.
As my hands brush down the front of my clothes, I hit a small lump and my heart stops.
“Dormy?! Are you alright little buddy?” I ask as I frantically check my pocket. My mouse squeaks at me, though it isn’t as enthusiastic as usual. Tears stream down my cheeks as relief overwhelms me. It helps to know at least one thing is going right. I set my tiny companion down and hear his tiny feet scurrying around the room. If anything, maybe he can at least escape and survive, even if I can’t.
As time passes, I start to pace the room, running my hands along the wall so I can visualize the space and assess an exit. The lack of sound from outside is disorienting and all I can hear are my footfalls and panicked breaths. But even those small sounds help to ground me.
The walls are rough brick, wet and icy as I run my quickly numbing fingers over it. The issue is that I don’t feel a door, bars, or a window to indicate how I got in here. There’s a possibility I was dropped from above, but I’m hoping there’s another explanation.
Next I feel around the floor, only finding a small bucket and a blanket. Two items are apparently all the king thought I deserved. No food, no water… how will I survive? That thought leaves a cold sense of dread arcing through me that I don’t even bother to squash it. Every emotion, every feeling, helps make me feel alive.
“Hello! Can anyone hear me?” Desperation has me calling out despite the fact I know it’s useless. My voice echoes around me, causing my panicked body to jump. When no response comes, I scream again, over and over until my throat is sore and tears begin running down my cheeks.
“Come on, Bella! You are tougher than this!” I scold myself out loud.
Oh great, now I’m already going crazy and talking to myself and I just woke up.
With nothing else to occupy my time, I pace my cell for hours, but no food or guards appear. I know that the king means to break me, and I can’t let him. I can be stronger than this. I have to be. For my men, for my friends, and all of the fae relying on me to give them a future.
I restlessly spend hours pacing the room before I can’t stand the hunger or thirst. Defeated and broken, I finally drop to the blanket and curl up on the floor. Dormouse scurries over and nuzzles his way into my hair for warmth. I fall asleep stroking a finger over his soft fur, finding comfort in not being alone.
Isolation, Day 9
I mark the ‘days’ on my wall using a loose stone. I have no way of truly knowing the time or days, but I just mark it by my sleeping habits. I’m sure it’s not the most accurate system, but it’s about all I have in me.
Every three days a jug of water and loaf of bread are delivered like clockwork. I ration them the best I can, but I’m weakening with each passing day. Bread and water may sustain me, but with no real food to give me sustenance, I won’t survive for long.
The days of isolation are long and torturous. Slowly, I can feel my mind slipping away in the lonely darkness. Spending hours on end worrying how I’ll get out of this one and waiting for my magic to come back is mentally draining on so many levels. The fact my men are statues while I sit here helpless is even harder.
My skin is covered in dirt and the stench in the cell is appalling. The gritty feeling drives me even closer to losing my mind. I’ve never felt so disgusting and weak in my life and I hate the feeling. I just want a shower and to feel the sun on my skin again.
As the days fly by, my brain just grows into a conflicted mess. Every thought I have is countered by its opposite, snowballing until I’m rocking back and forth, muttering to myself as the king did.
The moment I think about my Jacob and the ways he makes me smile, I remember how I failed him and let him get captured or frozen by the king. I think about Bowen who would crack jokes to lighten my dark mood. Emrick who is rough, yet gentle. He would run his fingers along my face and tell me how strong I am. Maddox who wouldn’t be afraid to give me the stern pep talk I need to break out of this. And finally, my Gerwyn, who pretends to be nerdy and quiet, but really is a skilled assassin with more knowledge than anyone I’ve ever known.
I’ve come to depend on the four fae knights far too much, but we complement each other so well that it comes naturally. Before all this they depended on me as well, even if I never truly understood how much. I grounded them as much as they did for me, and I’m bringing them back a world they thought was lost forever. We make the perfect team. Or at least we did.
But now I’ve lost us everything.
Thoughts of my frozen family eat away at me with each passing moment. Tears track down my face until I’m sobbing into my threadbare blanket. My matted hair falls over me, but it doesn’t matter since I can’t actually see. My stomach growls incessantly, reminding me that I’m starving and will probably die in this place.
I can fight this.
How? You have no way out.
I can be strong.
Can you? You just sobbed into a blanket for hours.
They will be fine until I can save them.
Everyone you love and care for is going to die.
I will survive and free them.
No, you won’t, you can’t even save yourself...
