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“Princess?” Keir started when I sat in silence for too long, almost sounding worried. Slowly, he approached, but this time I actually met his eyes, finding nothing but concern and possibly even the tiniest hint of fear.
“I’m okay,” I promised, the crack in my voice making me wince. “Sorry for freaking out.”
“We can talk about that later, okay?” he urged, sliding his hand along my jaw to cup the side of my face as he kissed me more gently than he ever had. When he pulled back, he studied me, shaking his head when I didn’t respond. “But I’d love it if you gave us something. Tell us even a tiny bit of what’s behind all this?”
Knowing that it wouldn’t do me any good to wait, I nodded. There was no way around it. I had to let them in on some of the shit I’d dealt with up to this point.
Keir picked me up from the counter and took me over to a stool, setting me down then settling in next to me, his hand staying on my thigh. The weight of it was warm and comforting, anchoring me to this moment with them.
After Ky had plates in front of us and I was sitting at the breakfast bar with them, I finally started talking.
“With everything going on lately, I’ve been thinking about Eros more and more. The attacks are increasing. When Keir wouldn’t put me down, it reminded me of a different time, one of Eros’ many tests. Being caught, forcibly carried out…” I trailed off, leaving the obvious unsaid.
“I’d say we’d try not to manhandle you, but that’s not our style,” Killian joked, trying to lift the mood.
“I’m not saying I want you to change. I’m just saying that I’m not the same as I was back in high school. Even back then, I had baggage, but now, there’s even more, and it’s hard to keep my head above it,” I countered.
“Alright, go on, Kitten,” Ky urged, his tone seemingly indifferent, but I knew better than that.
“My grandfather started what he called training me when I was fairly young. When I was seven… well, I told you that story, but it didn’t stop there. He gave my cousins and me new challenges all the time, but mine were always a bit more difficult than theirs. Mom intervened for a bit, but she died just before that first kill. After that, all bets were off. Any time I’d try to escape, my next test would be that much worse. From attempted rapes, to beatings, stalking, kidnapping, and torture, nothing was off-limits. My entire life he’s been getting me ready to take over for him one day, or at least that’s what he says. I’m more likely to call bullshit on that; it feels more like he just wanted to break me.”
“But he never succeeded,” Kyrell said gently. It wasn’t care for me that softened his words, it was his gritted teeth and clenched fists. The guys were livid, their anger palpable, and they were doing a miraculous job of reining it in, likely so they wouldn’t set me off into another attack after I’d finally calmed down.
“You know… I tried to contact you once,” I admitted, the audible gasp from one of them nearly making me look up, but I couldn’t. “I got a burner phone and tried to call, but he had his men watching me. When he found out, he shattered it in front of me, then reminded me that the Family was all I needed. He beat that lesson into me, himself.” My voice cracked before I could stop it, the frustration at that memory bubbling to the surface. I’d never felt so vulnerable, so helpless, so alone.
“Jesus… Baby Girl, why didn’t you tell me when I threw that at you?” Killian asked, his voice pained.
“Because I didn’t intend to see you again,” I countered. “What would it have changed? I’d rather you hated me than hurt you again if I had to go back.”
“We never hated you. We were angry, but hate is the furthest from anything we’ve ever felt for you,” Ky said softly, the sentiment making me feel slightly better.
But that’s why I don’t submit as well anymore. He’s changed me into this emotionless person. It took two years in this city to relearn how to be a semi-normal, mostly functioning person. It’s hard for me to give up control because I’m afraid it’ll be used against me.”
“We would never,” Killian said. “We want you to submit to us sexually… okay, and a bit more cooperation wouldn’t hurt, but outside of wanting you safe, we’d never use that control to hurt you. Not like he did.”
“And part of me knows that,” I promised. “Frankly, I’m just a brat at heart now, so I’ll challenge you and fight you every time you try and make decisions for me. But in the end, I want you to make me submit, to free my mind. It gives me this moment where I don’t have to be anything or anyone but sensation. I don’t have to think or be strong; I can truly let go.” It was hard to admit, hell… it was hard to explain, but they seemed to understand. “I crave it, but I was never comfortable enough with anyone else. After my family took me out of school, it only got worse for me, and I couldn’t let anyone have that control over me. Eros knew and controlled everything in my life, and I couldn’t risk it. He would read my messages; our phones were connected to his computer. The tech guy he has is phenomenal, and privacy became some sort of dream that I vaguely remembered but had totally lost.”
“They never should have taken you from us. If we’d known, we would have followed you. Fuck… I’ll eradicate the entire Family,” Keir said firmly, but I grabbed his hand to stop him.
“No, he’s given me time. I mean, he keeps sending assassins after me, but for the most part I have freedom for now, so can we hold off on that plan?” I begged, the desperation in my voice making him pause.
“For now?” Ky questioned, of course zeroing in on my slip up.
“For now,” I said firmly, glaring at him. I’d had enough vulnerability for one fuckin’ night and needed a little time to reclaim my balance.
“Fine, for now,” he conceded, throwing my words back at me, but I knew he wouldn’t forget. Honestly, I hoped I could be strong when the time came for me to make my choice to go back home or die. Mainly, I hoped to find the strength to take out Eros myself. End him for all he had done to us, to me.
And I wish they could be there to witness it.
Killian
“What’s the plan, then?” Sana challenged, crossing her arms. “Never let me live my life or go to work? Because that’s a big fucking no.” We’d been at it for hours, discussing how to keep her stubborn ass safe, but she wasn’t having it. Tensions were high, and we were all a bit fed up with the argument.
“Of course not. We just want you to be safe, and it can’t always be us with you,” Keir shot back, his anger rising again too. She had a way of pushing our buttons until we were about to lose our mind.
“Why won’t you just fucking let us take care of you?” I yelled, done with her constant fighting. She’d just dropped a fairly big bomb on us. We weren’t stupid, so we’d known her life hadn’t been happy and cheerful, but we hadn’t expected the level of mental abuse, manipulation,
and torture she’d experienced. Fuck, we wouldn’t even let our victims suffer that long, let alone Family.
