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“The baby,” she whispered.
Shane glanced down at her, his eyes hooded, his mouth no longer soft and relaxed.
“Yeah,” he replied hoarsely.
“Shane,” she whispered.
But he didn’t hear her. He was already starting down that path, the one that led to before. The one that might blow up in her face because if he knew…
“And let’s not forget Jane Lawson.”
Pain twisted inside her heart and the words she wanted to say, the ones that she should have said all those years ago, remained buried. Buried because she wasn’t ready to come clean.
Buried because she wasn’t ready to face the truth of her own lies.
“I didn’t screw her, you know.”
Bobbi glanced up sharply. “What? But I…but you…” Confused she shook her head.
“After you walked in on us, I couldn’t go through with it. Hell, I wanted to. I wanted to screw the fuck out of Jane Lawson and I wanted you to know. I wanted you to see us. I wanted you to hurt as much as I was hurting. But once I saw your face I couldn’t.”
Bobbi was cold and she shivered even though Shane’s arms were still clamped tight around her. Now was her chance to tell him the truth.
Just tell him.
She opened her mouth but Shane beat her to it, his voice gone low as he took that stroll down memory lane. Except it wasn’t exactly a fun stroll or a walk in the park. It was a painful remembering of the events that had changed them both.
And she was helpless to do anything but listen to him.
“I kicked her out, which was an asshole thing to do, and then I proceeded to get drunk and stoned and anything else that I could do in order to forget that look on your face. You were just one more person I’d screwed with…one more person I’d hurt.” He paused and though his voice reverberated with anger, his touch was gentle, soothing on her temple.
“One more person I’d disappointed. But then, in true Gallagher fashion I took it one step further. I screwed with the one person who had always been there for me. My grandfather.”
“Shane, let’s not…we don’t have to talk about this right now.”
“I do,” he said suddenly.
He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. For the longest time he didn’t speak and when he did she winced at the pain that laced his words.
“After what happened between us, I just kind of lost it. Even Logan was disgusted in my behavior. I was drunk or high every night. I started hanging out with the Shelton brothers and we all know they’re bad news. At the time I thought they were bad ass, always getting into bar fights and being total dicks. Now I know they were just as pathetic as I was.”
The dead space inside Bobbi, the part of her that was responsible for so much of this, twisted, and she grimaced.
“I don’t know what set me off that night. I’d been accepted to the Academy of Art but there was no way in hell I could afford the tuition so I knew that dream was done. You were out of my life and Logan was the golden boy while I was the fuck up. Again, no excuse, but at the time it was all I thought about. It drove me fucking nuts.”
He paused.
“I don’t remember going out to White Hall which isn’t surprising.” He frowned. “I drove, if you can believe it, and it’s a goddamn miracle I didn’t kill anyone because I was so high and drunk.” A groan slipped from his lips and he ran a hand across the stubble on his chin.
“I woke up on the floor with my grandfather standing over me and a couple of cops on either side of him. Apparently I had decided to spend the night in the studio where he used to let my mother paint. God, how he loved her. Sometimes, I think he loved her more than he loved his own son. The room was just as she’d left it. The last thing she’d been working on, a self-portrait, was still there on the easel, as if she was going to walk into that room and pick up her brushes.”
He shuddered and his voice lowered. “It was the only thing that I didn’t…”
“Oh Shane,” she whispered. No one really knew what had gone down the night Shane was arrested. All that had made the local papers was that he’d been charged with several offences and thrown in jail.
“It was the only thing I didn’t destroy.” His voice was harsh now and Bobbi winced.
He sat up and brought her with him and in that moment Bobbi Jo would have sold her soul to erase the pain in his eyes.
