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Her answer was a shrug.
“You love kids. I saw you with that little girl today. You were born to be a mother.”
Her eyes shot up, and her voice broke. “A replacement for Adelaide?”
“That’s not what I meant.” Cash swore and shook his head. “I’m screwing this up.” He sighed heavily. “Bluebell, I just…”
“When the hell did this conversation veer left? Jesus, Cash. All I did was ask you where you’d been. We could have stopped at your run, said good night and see you in the morning. What gives you the right to go after me like this? You were released a year ago, and all I’ve gotten was a few voicemails and one card. And now think you have the right to come here and tell me how pathetic my life is?”
“Yeah. That’s what family does. They tell the truth.” He was angry, she could see that, but Blue was angry too. “I came here because I thought you’d made a life for yourself and I wanted to see you happy. You have everything anyone could want right here in this house, in this town. And yet your life is empty. When I look in your eyes, all I see is the echo of a past you won’t leave behind. A ghost of who you used to be.”
Anger pushed her forward, and it was all she could do not to throat punch her own brother. “I left all that behind when Mom kicked me out, and I never looked back.”
“Did you? Because from I can tell, you’re standing still. Going through the motions. And that’s a fucking shame.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“What’s up with you and Cam Booker?”
That was completely out of left field. “What does Cam have to do with this?”
“It’s obvious to anyone with eyes in their head. You like him. He likes you.”
She’d never been able to lie to her brother, and she turned away because she didn’t want him to see the truth.
“Again, what does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything.” Cash swore. “Nothing.” Her brother stood beside her, and she saw the worry. “Our parents did a number on us. We’re both fucked up, kid. Ain’t no getting around that. But you have a chance to grab something you’ve never had before. You and Booker have a connection, and it would be a damn shame if you didn’t at least explore what exactly that connection is. What are you so afraid of? Why are you living this cardboard cut-out life? Don’t you want more? Don’t you deserve more?”
“Don’t you?”
“Yeah. And maybe one day, I’ll have it. But you…” He swore and looked away. “You’ve closed yourself off from it. From the idea of it even, and I’m worried about you. You’ve got to figure out what’s holding you back.” He paused. “Is it Adelaide?”
“I don’t want to talk about her.”
“Okay. Fair enough.” Cash folded her into his arms, and she closed her eyes, welcoming his strength and love. For a few moments, the two Bodine siblings took from each other, that simple act of human touch alleviating some of their pain and, for Blue, some of the guilt.
Cash kissed the top of her head and pulled away. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I have some business to take care of.”
“I don’t want you to,” she said in a rush, tearing herself from his hug.
Her brother sighed and ran his hands through the tangle of hair at his nape. “I have to go.”
Blue’s eyes narrowed. “Where have you been since you got out of prison, Cash? You always avoid the question when I ask. Or gave me puffball answers that tell me nothing.”
A muscle tightened across his
jaw, and his lips thinned. “I’m righting some wrongs, and that’s all you need to know.”
She worried the edge of her shirt and tried to keep her cool. “Please tell me you’re not getting mixed up in anything illegal.” Her brother was ex-military, and before he’d been imprisoned for aggravated assault, he’d had ties to Horde, a biker outfit loosely affiliated with Reaper, a much larger, more dangerous outlaw club.
Cash shook his head. “No. I’m good. But you’ve got to trust me on this. I’ll be back. Couple of weeks tops.” He gave her one last smile and disappeared through the patio doors that led outside. He’d set up shop in the apartment over the garage and no doubt was on his way up.
Blue looked at her cat and sighed. “Is he right, Giselle Am I just standing still?” The cat stretched and, with a bored meow, jumped off the chair and headed to the larger, more comfortable sectional in the family room. Blue stared after the animal for a few seconds and then, before she could change her mind, ran upstairs. It was eight thirty, and she needed a shower.
Twenty minutes later, she was heading down a dark country road, her trusty old Honda pointed toward town. Blue didn’t think about her actions or what they meant. She was tired of thinking. Tired of overanalyzing everything. Tired of making decisions based on all that overanalyzing. For once, she wanted to go with her gut and see where this went.
The moon was just starting to peek out when she pulled up in front of Cam’s house. Soft light fell from the large bay window, and as she exited her car, she inhaled the scent of freshly cut grass. A wind chime tinkled from Mrs. Eddy’s porch, and Blue tugged nervously on her sweater. Her stomach fluttered. Or roiled. Or something. And she felt a bit light-headed.
