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The ride back to the lake was quiet. By the time they reached her cottage, Sid’s shoulders were tense, her stomach upset, and she was almost certain that, for the first time in weeks, she’d be sleeping alone.
She’d practiced a little speech on the ride back. It was full of things like, take some time, Beck, it’s okay, and, I’ll understand if you need to be alone, or, I’m here for you, however you need.
But he surprised her. He pulled up, cut the engine, and was out of his truck before she had a chance to say any of those things. But the unsaid words and thoughts were there between them. She felt them hovering like a spectre. And for the first time since she’d started whatever it was with Beck, she felt off balance. Like the rug was about to be pulled out from under her.
She followed him inside the cottage and started to unbutton her jacket, trying to form the words she needed to say. She knew she had to deal with all the unsaid things, because not dealing with them meant they’d fester. And festering wounds could spread until nothing could fix them.
But Beck had other plans. He grabbed something from his jacket and strode toward the television and media center. She followed him and sank onto the sofa, stroking Jingle, who’d come from nowhere and was now big enough to jump onto furniture.
Beck flicked on the gas fireplace, grabbed a remote, and came to her, sliding up beside her so she could lean into him. He aimed the remote and pressed a few buttons.
“I picked this up earlier today,” he murmured.
The sound of his voice loosened all that anxiety inside her. It was warm and intimate, and she felt silly for thinking there was anything wrong. The aloofness she thought he’d displayed earlier was all in her head. Nothing more.
When the opening scenes of P.S. I Love You started to play, she melted into him, touched that he remembered.
“You do know this is a chick flick?” she asked softly, glancing up to find his dark eyes on her.
“I figured as much.”
Her smiled slowly faltered as the plot ran through her mind. She thought of Holly and her pain when Gerry died. Crap. The movie would hit just a little too close to home for Beck. She wiggled a bit and sat straighter.
“We don’t have to watch it. Honestly, we can go straight to dessert.”
“I can handle a chick flick, and trust me, we’ll get to dessert.” He dropped a kiss to her nose. “Eventually.”
“This one is sad before it gets a happy ending. Like, really sad.” She didn’t want to watch this with him.
He slowly nodded. “I know. I read the back of the DVD.” He pulled her close again, and because she didn’t want to cause a scene, Sidney didn’t say another word. They watched the movie, and she tried not to cry, but of course, she did. When the final scene passed and it was done, Beck laid her out on the sofa and kisse
d her until her head spun. He nuzzled her neck and worshipped her with his mouth and hands and their clothes ended up on the floor and it was skin on skin.
They made love right there in the family room, and afterward, lying in blankets on the thick carpet in front of the fireplace, she felt some of those unsaid things bubbling up inside her.
“I didn’t tell you the whole story,” Sid said, gazing up at him.
“About what?” He was on his side, leaning on his elbow. Since she had his complete attention, it felt like the right time.
“My story. I only told you half of it.”
“Okay.” He watched her intently. She dropped her eyes, looking inside for the courage she needed to share something so painful with him.
“Two years ago, I was involved with a man, Nick. He was this larger-than-life guy with big dreams and a big personality to match. He’d played pro ball for the Giants and worked for their organization, and we had this exciting life that’s hard to describe. My business had hit a plateau that I didn’t think was possible. I’d just signed a distribution deal for television. This man who seemed perfect, a man who said he loved me, was at my side for this wild ride. We got engaged and then I got pregnant, and…”
Her chin trembled as she thought back. She had to take a moment to find the calm she needed in order to finish the story.
“And everything fell apart. Turns out Nick wasn’t the guy I thought he was. He’d been cheating on me with a cheerleader for the Forty-Niners. I had no idea, and to make things worse, he had a kid with this other woman, and apparently didn’t want another one with me. He demanded I get rid of it, but by then, I was already in love with this life growing inside me. I ended things with Nick and prepared to have a baby on my own.
“I was lucky enough to be able to afford it, so I hired this expensive designer, Pierre from Montreal, to fly out to San Diego and design the cutest nursery. I worked with him on designs. Kylie came with me to Lamaze, and Mom planned on coming home for the birth with Frank. Things were good. I was good. And then, at seven months, I went to my OB for a checkup, and there was no heartbeat.”
Beck reached for her, swiping at a single tear that fell from her eye. She leaned into his palm.
“I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t. They scheduled my delivery a few days later. I got up that morning, and I remember it felt like I was in a dream. I felt like Nick should know, so I called him and I told him our baby had gone, and he was so kind. He told me he’d come with me so I wouldn’t have to be alone. Said he’d meet me at the hospital.”
Her voice caught. “Of course he didn’t show. I labored for twenty-one hours, and I had my baby boy. He was perfect. He looked like he was sleeping. I held him for as long as they’d let me, and then I went home to a house with a nursery that would remain empty. And after that, I kind of fell away from life.”
“Oh, Sid. I’m so sorry.”
