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“About what?” Violet inched closer, her hands wrapped around her gin and tonic.
“I’m thirty-three years old. I’m divorced. A single mom. I don’t do anything for myself. Not really. And up until last week, I hadn’t had sex in three years.”
“Three years?” Vi
olet’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head. “You…” She sat back on her chair. “You and David didn’t have sex for the last two years of your marriage?”
Rebecca shook her head, hating the hot tears that pricked the corners of her eyes. “No,” she whispered. “It caused a lot of fights, but I couldn’t.” She cleared her throat, aware that she was going to share something she never had before. With anyone.
“The last time I had sex with David, it was just…” She blinked rapidly and looked down at her hands. They were fisted on her lap, the knuckles white, the nails digging into the soft flesh of her palms. “I hated every minute of it. I mean, the few years before that, the sex wasn’t good. It had never been amazing or anything, but in the beginning, at least, I enjoyed it. But after a while, I wasn’t in love with him. Wasn’t attracted to him at all. In fact, I think I hated him. But whenever he rolled over in bed and touched me, I would do it, just to get it over with. Just to make him happy. Because when David was happy, he didn’t hurt me.” She glanced back up at Violet. She needed to clarify. “He didn’t hurt me as much.”
“Shit, Becca.” Her friend grabbed her hands and waited.
“So that last time, I turned my face to the wall and tried not to cry. But he… After he was done, he saw the tears, and it enraged him. That was the first the time he put me in the hospital.”
Violet looked shocked. Utterly shocked. “Rebecca. I didn’t know. I hate that you lived so far from me. Why did you never tell me this?”
She shrugged. “I was ashamed. Embarrassed. I couldn’t believe that I’d ended up just like my mom, which was something I’d promised myself would never happen. It was bad, but something happened that night. I remember lying in my hospital bed. I’d just sent the police away. Told them I’d tripped over one of Liam’s toys and fallen down the stairs.” She grimaced at the memory. “I told myself that I would never have sex with a man again unless I wanted to. And it didn’t matter if that man was my husband or not. I wouldn’t do it.”
“Becca. I don’t know what to say.” Violet frowned. “But you stayed with him for two more years.”
She slowly nodded. “I did. And every time he tried to have sex, I refused him. He got so angry, and I ended up with a lot of bruises. I don’t know why I didn’t leave then, but it was like I was stuck. Like I was waiting for something to happen. Something to make me act. When he hit me in front of Liam, that’s when I finally got my shit together and came back here. I knew Liam was next.”
At first, neither one of the girls spoke, and then Violet leaned forward and hugged Rebecca so tight, she could barely breathe. “I love you,” Violet whispered in her ear.
“I know.”
Rebecca pulled away and offered a small smile. “It feels good to talk about it. To finally say the words that have been trapped inside me for years. To finally acknowledge that I’m a grown-ass woman with needs, and right now, I need to feel wanted. Desired.” She looked up at the ceiling. “I’d forgotten how good sex with Hudson is. Forgotten what it felt like to feel sexy, and I…”
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel that, Becs. Nothing wrong with a woman taking what she needs, but Jesus, Hudson Blackwell? He nearly killed you before. You didn’t leave your room for days and days after he left.”
“I know. But that was twelve years ago. Things are different this time. We’re different.”
“How so? Aren’t you afraid of getting in too deep with him? Aren’t you afraid he’ll hurt you again?”
“No.” Rebecca sat up straight. “This thing that we’re doing is just about sex. That’s it.”
“This thing you’re doing?” Violet looked as if she was going to explode. “So this is an ongoing thing? You’re not just pals anymore?”
“We’ve decided to skip the friend part and just concentrate on the benefits thing.”
Violet opened her mouth and then clamped it shut. She paused. “You’re driving, right?”
Rebecca nodded.
“Good.” She ordered a third gin and tonic, and when Tiny brought it to her, she took a big gulp and then slammed the glass down on the bar.
“I hope you know what you’re doing. I mean, if it’s just about sex, Ethan Burke would be all over that.”
“Ethan Burke is going to be my boss one day. So, that’s not happening.”
“Okay,” she said, eyeing Rebecca warily. “If you say so. But please, Becs, please promise me you won’t let yourself fall in love with him again.”
“What?” Rebecca made a face. “Never.”
Violet didn’t look like she believed Rebecca.
“I’m serious.” Rebecca lifted her chin defiantly. “This is strictly about sex. Nothing more. Hudson broke my heart once. I’m not letting him anywhere near it again.”
