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“Thank you,” John said haltingly. He set the case down on the table and motioned to the empty chair across from him. “You feel like a cigar? Maybe we can catch up?”
His father’s words were full of emotion. His eyes misty and beseeching. John Blackwell was asking for so much more than sharing a cigar. The old Travis would have made an excuse and headed for the beach. He would have helped himself to a cold beer and sat with his brothers on the dock. They would have talked about anything other than what really mattered. The past. Their family. The screwed-up couple of decades they’d survived.
“Bah. Never mind.” John offered a sad smile. “Go see your brothers. Darlene would kill me anyway.”
Travis looked out to the lake and spied Wyatt and Regan heading in on the boat. Hudson and Rebecca were set up on the beach, comfortable underneath the shaded gazebo, and some little three-legged dog ran crazily along the edge of the water. This scene before him, a picture of domestic happiness, wasn’t something he thought would ever happen here. A new wind was blowing, and change was headed his way. It was time for him to embrace it.
Travis slid into the empty chair. “Darlene is busy in the kitchen. We won’t tell her.”
He lit his father’s cigar, grabbed one for himself, and the two men smoked their Romeos in silence. They caught up without catching up, as men do sometimes. Travis knew his father was unwell and that he was seeking forgiveness. He was pretty sure his father knew exactly what was going on his life—hockey and not much else.
“I saw Ruby this weekend,” Travis found himself saying.
John looked at him, blowing a slow swirl of smoke in the air. He slowly nodded. “I heard.” At Travis’s look, John shrugged. “Wyatt.” He sat back in his chair. “She’s done real well for herself.”
“She has.” Travis cleared his throat and glanced away. “That must surprise you.”
His father was silent for a few moments as if considering his words. Which in and of itself was something—the man never took the time to think about how his words affected people.
“I wasn’t happy about your marriage because you were both too young. Not because I didn’t like her. This world is hard enough without taking on marriage at such a young age, and I knew it wouldn’t work. But that girl always had spunk, and it’s that spirit that got her through the baby dying. Lord knows she got no support from us.”
Ashamed, Travis bowed his head.
“She reminds me of your mother.” John held the cigar and studied the red embers, turning the cigar slowly. “I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, and I’ve hurt a lot of people. Sometimes I think if I’d been a better man, a better husband, things would have been different. My Angel would still be here. She wouldn’t have been on the road that day. She wouldn’t…” His voice drifted off, and Travis was silent, watching the pain spread across his father’s face. He had no idea what the hell his father was talking about, but he would listen.
“I loved her.” John looked up then, his eyes glittering. “And she loved me more than I deserved. When your mother died, things between us weren’t great. I was selfish. I was too proud and too weak to face my problems. Too distracted to fight for my family. I took your mom for granted and lost everything, including you boys.” He sat back in the chair and swiped at his eyes. “That’s my biggest sorrow. But you can do better, Travis.”
Travis had nothing. He just stared at his father in silence. Or maybe it was shock. This had to be the longest conversation he’d had with the man in years.
John Blackwell looked him in the eye. “Do you still love that girl?”
“I…” He stumbled over his reply and gave up. First of all, he didn’t want to talk about Ruby with his father. And secondly, how could he answer that question when he didn’t know? Was it love or guilt tha
t crowded his mind when he thought of Ruby?
“Your inability to answer the question tells me all I need to know. You need to fight for what you lost, Travis, or you’ll end up like me. Sitting in this chair looking back on a whole lotta life lived with regret and the inability to deal with that regret. You need to fight for Ruby.”
Travis might have been embracing change, but some of the old resentment was still there. This man had never been there for him when it counted. “I guess this is supposed to be our moment? You’re going to have to try harder than that, John. Since when are you the guy to dole out advice?”
His father looked away. He butted his cigar and slowly got to his feet. He stared out across the water, his hand trembling slightly as he pulled his sweater tight. “Dying can be gift because it’s inescapable. It makes even the most stubborn men take pause. Look back. See the good and the bad he’s done. Mostly the bad. If a man is smart, he’ll use what time he’s got left to make amends. Heal old wounds. Or just say he’s sorry.”
A pause.
“I’m sorry, son.” John looked at Travis and made no effort to hide the pain and sorrow that lived inside him.
Travis watched his father shuffle toward the patio doors and then disappear inside. He sat back in his chair, the cigar still in his hand. What the hell had just happened?
The patio door slid open again, and his father poked his head out.
“You know Coach Hoder’s organization has the contract for the new park and condominiums your brother is building? The ones for people in need down by the old mill.”
“No.” Travis cleared his throat and replied, “I didn’t.”
John offered a crooked grin. “Ruby’s on the board, and she’s very involved.”
“That right?” He wasn’t surprised. Ruby had always had a penchant for those in need.
“You still like digging in the dirt?”
