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It was simple, really. He needed to see Honey, and he needed to hear her side of the story. Maybe then, he could forget about her. He spied the small box on his dresser and swore. Somehow, he didn’t think it would be that easy.
The apartment was empty. Not that Honey had ever domesticated the space. There’d never been pictures or décor or any of that. She’d been enough to fill up the place. The only thing she’d brought into the apartment was the sad excuse of a Christmas tree in the corner. Earl.
With a dull headache still throbbing behind his ears, he looked around and tried not to think of her. But he couldn’t help it. She’d done one hell of a number on him. Caught him unaware. Spun her web and he’d fallen hard. When the hell had he gotten so weak?
He heard a noise behind him and glanced over his shoulder as Hudson stepped inside.
“She’s gone.” He wasn’t expecting that. Not really.
“You okay?” Hudson asked.
He was sick and tired of folks asking him that question, so he ignored it. There’d been at least five voice mails on his cell, all saying the same thing.
“I guess I’ll be renting this place out.”
“I hear Cam’s looking.”
Hudson nodded and sighed. “Yeah. I heard the same.” He walked around the room. Poked his head into the bathroom, shook his head as the image of Honey naked and wet filled his brain, and then headed to the bedroom. Everything was gone. Except…
The pink bear she always had in bed was on the windowsill, and next to it an envelope. Nash stared at it for a long time. He debated tossing the damn thing—what good could it do—but something in him wouldn’t let that happen. He tore it open, a knot in his throat as he began to read.
Nash,
I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about my past. About the things I’ve done. Things I’m not proud of. I won’t make excuses, because there are none. I knew what I was doing, and I knew it was wrong. I just want you to try to understand why I am the way I am. All my life, I was searching for the person I thought I wanted to be. The person I was born to be. But that was a stupid thing to do, because the person I am isn’t about my DNA. It’s not about who my father is or who my mother is or how I was created.
I’ve had good and bad stuff go down, mostly been bad, if we’re being honest. Oddly enough, it’s the bad stuff that made me strong, and because of everything I’ve had to overcome, I know I can face pretty much anything. I don’t need to be a Blackwell to know my worth. You made me realize I’m more than what I see in the mirror. You made me realize I want more. I deserve more. Hopefully someday, I’ll find it again. We all deserve happiness, don’t we?
I love you, Nash. I know you don’t believe me, but I had to say it one last time and put it down on paper. I hope you have a good life. I hope you find a woman who challenges you and loves you and is willing to put up with your Barry Manilow obsession. You sing “Copacabana” in the shower. All the time.
Please tell the Blackwells I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt them, not really. I never thought I’d care about them, but life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect it. I just wanted them to know who I was. I wanted to matter to someone. In my mind, it was a way of validating my worth. I screwed that up too. They think I’m the person I thought I was. The person I used to be. I’m not sure if that makes sense.
Water Earl for me and check in on Brooke. Please give Cam a break. He needs you more than you know, and I think you need him just as much. Lastly, tell John Blackwell to forgive himself. I have.
Honey Bee
About my name. I never lied about that. Honey is what my mom called me for as long as I can remember. But my name isn’t Arlene, and it’s not Davenport either. I was born Lila James Blackwell-Boudreau.
Can you give this check back to Hudson? My coming here was never about money. I need him to know that.
Nash looked inside the envelope and spied a check for fifty thousand dollars made out to Arlene Davenport. He sat on the bed and read the letter again. And again. He tried to still the dread that caught at him hard and made him want to hurl up his breakfast.
“You planning on spending the day in here?” Hudson walked into the bedroom and glanced around. “Big room.” His eyes narrowed, and he crossed to the window, scooping up the faded, ratty, pink bear that sat there. It had one plaid ear.
“Where’d you get this?”
“What?” Nash was staring at the letter in his hands, trying to make sense of everything he’d just read.
“This bear. Where the hell did you get it?”
Nash looked up, gut tight, head pounding and feeling as if he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. “It’s Honey’s. She’s had it since she was a kid. I’m surprised she left it behind.” He felt sick and held up the envelope. “Hudsy, this feels wrong.” Jesus fuck, what had he done?
Hudson grabbed the letter. He read it over slowly, and then he sank onto the bed beside N
ash. For the longest time, both men were silent.
“Who is she?” Nash asked, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut.
Hudson stared at the floor. He held up the bear and swore. He got to his feet. “I was so damn sure she was out to scam my dad.”
