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What?
That bad feeling was back in a big way, and for a minute, I thought I was going to puke.
“Mrs. Lewis,” I said weakly.
“It’s Brenda,” she answered gently. “It’s always been Brenda.”
I nodded and blew out a long, shuddering breath. I was so afraid to speak. To ask the question that hovered on the tip of my tongue.
“I forgot my cell at home,” I said instead.
She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, shivering as if she was cold. It was hot as hell, nearly 100 degrees, and yet I was the same. I felt like I’d been dipped into a bucket of ice.
“Your uncle told me you were in the store. I ran into him at the bank.”
My heart spiked, pounding so fast and furious that, for a second, I was dizzy. I felt as if I’d just played the toughest football game of my life. As if I’d run every single play myself. Given everything that I had and it wasn’t enough.
It would never be enough.
That bad feeling I’d had for weeks was back, worming its way through skin and bone and crushing a part of me that I didn’t think would ever recover.
“I don’t blame you, Nathan…for the accident. I know you would never do anything to hurt Trevor or anyone on purpose. You’re a good boy. I want you to know that.” Her voice was rough, but strong. “I know that Mike is being hard on you…he just…Trevor was his world, you know? And it’s just so hard, and I…” A tear slipped down her cheek and she wiped it away, but another soon followed.
I didn’t think I could feel any worse or sink any lower. But I guess I was wrong.
“I just wanted you to know that I don’t blame you. I was a teenager once, and none of us were squeaky clean, especially Mike.” She sighed. “I’ve done things that were stupid and thoughtless and dangerous.” She shrugged. “All of us have.”
“I don’t…” I began and had to stop. “I don’t know what to say, Brenda. I’m sorry doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t seem to be big enough.”
“I know,” she said softly.
For a few seconds, there was only silence between us, and I could see the expression on her face changing, as if she was gearing up to do something she really didn’t want to do.
My teeth clenched, so tight that pain radiated along my jaw, but I didn’t care. In that moment, all I saw was the fear and pain in Brenda Lewis’s eyes. Fear and pain that I had put there, and no matter what she said, it didn’t make me feel better.
Her fear filled me up, seeping into every nook and cranny, and for a second, I saw Monroe’s face, and I wondered where she was. What was she doing at this exact moment?
Because if ever there was a moment that was going to crack my world wide open, this was it. I knew that my life was about to change again. I was coming down from the clouds and starting a free fall that would take me down hard.
No longer was I a king, flying high with Monroe. Nope, I was nothing but the pathetic excuse of a friend who had put Trevor in the hospital. I was nothing more than the sum of that night.
I saw all of that reflected in her eyes.
“Trevor took a turn for the worse overnight.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said hoarsely. “Oh God.”
“Some sort of infection in his blood. His organs are shutting down. He’s gone septic. There are some other issues, but…”
“Jesus.” I stumbled a bit and she grabbed my elbow, steadying me against the stone bench.
“Mike and Taylor are with him now, but I know how much you love Trevor, and I think that you should come to the hospital tonight. I think that Trevor would want you there.”
I stared at her in shock as she gently shook my arm and then cupped my chin. There was nowhere to look but into her eyes.
“Do you understand what I’m telling you, Nathan?”
I nodded and said the hardest words I’d ever said in my life. “You want me to come and say good-bye. Say good-bye to Trevor.”
