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e linoleum floor until it rested against the pantry door. New England? With her brother and his five kids? No. Way.
“I just can’t. I need to be away from your father, because I can’t breathe when I’m around him. I can’t function. I can’t think.”
“You seemed to do a good job of it last night.” My voice rose as anger clogged my throat. “Both of you. Acting as if everything is great and wonderful and, you know, normal.”
“Yes, well, pretending is hard.”
“No kidding. I’ve been doing it for over four hundred days. Do you know how long that is? Four. Hundred. Days. It’s like an eternity. My entire senior year was a big fat lie.”
She smoothed her hands down the front of her skirt and tightened her ponytail. Was that gray I saw threaded through her dark hair?
“I understand this has been hard on you, and I can’t apologize enough for my lapse in judgment, for what I put you through, but…” She frowned. “You never did…the other day… you didn’t tell me how you knew.” She sniffled. “About your father, I mean.”
“I didn’t tell you because you didn’t ask. You didn’t ask because you’d just overdosed on sleeping pills.”
“I didn’t—”
“Jesus, Mom. Cut the crap. You can lie to yourself all you want, but don’t lie to me.” I shook my head. “Not anymore. I mean, what else is there for me to know?”
Something in her face changed, and my stomach dipped at the look in her eyes. I was cold, which was ridiculous because it was hot in here. So. Freaking. Hot.
“What else is there?” I asked angrily.
But she was all closed up tighter than a locked box. She cleared her throat again and grabbed the rag from the sink. Guess my crumbs were finally getting to her.
“You will not take the Lord’s name in vain again. Do you understand me?”
Unbelievable. That’s what she was going to focus on?
“I need you to pack your things,” she said briskly.
“I’m not going with you,” I said again, the tears in my eyes sitting heavy in my throat as well. “Trevor…he needs me.”
I need him.
“I need you,” she said firmly.
“You need your husband,” I shot back, and if I could have taken the words back, I would have because she looked small. Defeated. And I knew I had done that. “I can’t fix this for you, Mom. I just can’t, and it’s not fair of you to expect me to.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and she leaned back against the sink. “Everly, I don’t know how long I’ll be. Isaac will be at Bible camp for two weeks and then we’ll be at my brother’s place. Right now, our plans are indefinite.”
“You’re just going to run away?”
She didn’t have an answer for that one, so I pressed on.
“Are you getting a divorce?”
Wow. Imagine the scandal. Pastor Jenkins cheats on wife and drives her out of town. His flock would diminish overnight.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I mean, I don’t know. I love your father, you know…” She shrugged and tried to smile through her tears. “Even if we don’t end up together, I’ll always love him. I just hope that he can find his way back to me. I hope he can forgive himself for his sins and find a way to fight for us.” She blew out a long breath. “That’s why I need you to hang on a little longer, and please keep this to yourself. It’s not as cut-and-dried as you think. If word gets out, he’ll be destroyed. We’ll go on and survive, but your father won’t. He won’t come back from this.”
Holy. Cow. I so didn’t understand adults, but then again, I guess I wasn’t supposed to.
“I’d better say good-bye to Isaac.”
She tossed the rag into the sink. “I told your father you’d be coming with me.”
Huh. So that’s why he’d lingered in the kitchen this morning. He’d been trying to say good-bye without saying good-bye.
