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But I was already moving past Hailey. I ran to the back of the church and took the side door out. There was a small parking area here, and I followed a worn footpath that led around back. And that’s where I found her.
She was staring up at the building but turned when I rounded the corner. The girl literally took my breath away. I couldn’t speak, and even though all I wanted to do was walk up to her and fold her into my arms, my legs were suddenly made of cement and I couldn’t move.
She sniffled and pushed back that piece of hair that I loved and tucked it behind her ear. For a few seconds there was only silence filling the space between us, a heavy, sad silence.
I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans, because I didn’t know what else to do with them, and for those few seconds, I felt like the biggest loser on the planet. Why hadn’t I been there for her? Had I screwed things up so badly that she didn’t want to talk to me?
“Hey,” she said, her voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.
My chest tightened, and I had to force myself to swallow this big-ass lump that was all of a sudden blocking my throat.
“Everly, I’m…I’m so sorry for your dad and the church and…everything else.” I cleared my throat. “Shit, I don’t know what to say.”
Wow. Pretty much the most pathetic apology ever.
“Yeah,” she said. “So am I.”
“Is there anything…I mean, I…” What the hell? Just say it.
I found my legs and strode toward her, eyes focused, my heart open and my head finally clear. When I reached her, I didn’t hesitate. I just folded her into my arms and held her. She started to cry right away, and damn, my heart felt like it was going to break into a million little pieces.
She went real quiet, and for a moment I was scared that I’d totally screwed this up yet again. She wriggled a bit, and even though I didn’t want to, I let her go.
We stared at each other for a long time. How long? I have no clue. But it was long enough for me to know that things weren’t going to be easy. And long enough for me to know that I didn’t care.
I’d do whatever it took to make it up to this girl.
“I’m glad that you’re here,” she said softly. “My dad will appreciate it. But Trevor, shutting me out because you felt sorry for yourself was selfish and wrong.”
My heart felt as if it was twisting. “I know. I didn’t mean to. You gotta believe me. I couldn’t see past my own pain.”
“We all have pain.”
“I know. I just…I was embarrassed about the seizures. It’s totally uncool, you know? For a guy to just lose it in front of his girlfriend? I hated that you saw me like that. Hated that it will probably happen again. You deserve someone who’s…”
“Who’s what?”
Uncomfortable, I shifted my feet. “You deserve someone who’s not screwed up. Someone who’s normal. Not some freak on the floor.”
“I get it,” she said softly. “But you hurt me, Trevor, and I can’t just forget how that felt. It’s up to me who I want to be with. If we’re going to be anything. If we’re going to be an ‘us,’ then you can’t run when things get tough, and you can’t push me away. If we’re going to work, then you need to be all in. I’m not settling for anything less. I deserve at least that. We all do. Even my dad.”
“I’m all in.” And I was. God, was I ever.
Her eyes were huge, her skin pale. But she looked fierce as she gazed up at me.
“Maybe you are. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you like the idea of being all in, but the idea is a lot less complicated than the reality. The reality is hard. The reality can suck sometimes. But the reality can also be amazing.”
My heart was pounding. Couldn’t she hear it?
“You have to believe me, Everly. You believe me, right?”
She glanced up at the building, and I followed her gaze, wincing when I saw the ugliness there. Guess the bastards had decided to spread their hate all over the place.
“What I do know, right now, in this moment, is that this wall needs to be painted. What I do know is that the hate that’s up there? That hate needs to be obliterated. That’s about all I have right now. That’s all I know.”
I stared at her for a long time. I saw her pain, and I knew that it was going to take time to get her trust back. The old Trevor might have said, “screw it,” because he would have been afraid of rejection. But this new me, the one who wasn’t perfect or normal or anything of the sort? Well, this new me was willing to put this girl ahead of himself.
She was the one, after all. The one my dad had warned me about. The girl who’d knocked me on my ass. And it was up to me to make her realize that even though I’d been a douche bag, she needed me as much as I needed her.
