AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“The shower,” he repeated.
He waited a heartbeat, and she knew that he remembered. “But I…I stopped…I…”
She shook her head. “No, Mackenzie. You didn’t. Not in time.”
Another heartbeat passed and her eyes remained closed tight.
“Are you sure?” he bit out.
She nodded. “Since I’m never late, I bought a test yesterday, one that can detect pregnancy within days, and it was positive.”
“But Jesus…aren’t you on the pill? Christ, I thought you said you were.”
“I haven’t been with anyone in a long time, and there was no need for
the pill, but yes, I went to see the doctor, and I was waiting to start this month.”
“Fuck.”
His heat vanished from her skin, and she heard him step away. Already the pain inside her was spiraling up, expanding and infiltrating her cells. She knew she couldn’t hold off the onslaught of emotion much longer.
“I don’t want you to have it.”
Her eyes flew open, and it took a few seconds for her to collect herself, to put in place the familiar mask she hadn’t needed in so long. It slipped over her skin like an old friend, and she exhaled as she slowly turned around.
Mac glared at her with something that made her gut clench. Lily felt the wobble in her knees, but she kept her chin raised and her eyes focused. There was no way in hell she was going to let him know how much his words cut her. There would be time to fall apart later when she was alone.
“I told you.” He raked his hands through his long, blond hair. “I told you when we started this…thing between us that kids…that family…none of that was going to happen. I told you that I didn’t want that.” He shook his head, shoulders raised. “You didn’t want that.”
I do now. The thought whispered through her mind like a secret, and it bled into every part of her.
Mac was angry, but there was something else there…something bleak and painful and dark. She thought of the scene the night before with his father. She thought of the ugliness and pain, and she knew in that moment that Mackenzie Draper was never going to change. Not for himself. Not for her.
And definitely not for a baby he didn’t want.
Pain crept into her heart, and it took everything that Lily had to keep her shit together, to not lose herself to the sadness inside and fall apart in front of him. He could never know…
He could never know how much she loved him, because he could never know how painful it felt to know that she wasn’t enough to fix him.
“Jesus, Lily, I’m sorry.” He shook his head, that beautiful mouth of his drawn tight, his eyes tortured. “Lily, I can’t…”
“I know,” she answered softly. “I know.” She paused, searching for the right words. Even now, hurting like she was, she still wanted to ease his pain. “But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to change my mind. That doesn’t mean that I don’t already feel something for this baby.”
Mac shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and began to pace the length of the porch.
“I don’t believe this,” he said harshly. “In this day and age…we’re two smart, responsible adults and you’re pregnant. Un-fucking-real.”
His tone grew more dangerous, and Lily’s hackles were up when he turned on her. His eyes fell from hers, traveling down her body until he rested on her stomach, there where her hands laid in a protective manner. It was then that it hit her. He blamed her. He blamed her for everything.
Pride kept her head up. “I didn’t have to tell you, you know, but I’m not ashamed of this, and I’m not going to hide so you’re going to have to deal with it. I’m having this baby, and if it’s the legalities that you’re worried about, I’ll have my lawyer draw up papers tonight. I’ll absolve you of any and all involvement with this child, both legally and financially.”
He stared at her for so long that her knees began to wobble again, and Lily thought she was going to crumble at his feet.
“Jesus Christ,” he whispered roughly. “You make me sound like a goddamn bastard. I can’t be the only man on the planet who doesn’t want a wife or kids. I’d be a disaster as a father.”
Again, with the punch to the gut. Tears stung the corners of her eyes, hot pricks of pain that she forced away.
“I’m sure you’re not,” she managed to say. “But I also think you’re wrong. I think that if you wanted to, you’d be able to love a child and a woman without reservation. And I think that if you walk away from me now, one day you’ll regret it.”
