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Of course it is ridiculous to contemplate a future together. He is aristocracy. They marry their own kind. Besides, you don’t really know him all that well.
It hurt to even think it but she forced herself to keep it in mind, especially when she opened the door only for Myles to speak.
“Estelle.” He hesitated. The urge to kiss her probably for the last time was strong. He turned to face her.
She waited. Their eyes met. Estelle knew she would embarrass herself if she stayed any longer and so quietly left the room and began to make her way through the house toward the tunnel entrance. She was aware of Myles walking quietly behind her all the time but he didn’t attempt to stop her, or speak. For that she could only be grateful because she was positive she wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with him without bursting into floods of tears.
Their journey was made in stoic silence. It wasn’t stiff and awkward as she had dreaded but neither was there any of the easy-going camaraderie they had shared previously either. It was as though this was the end of their association as well as her brief foray into the realms of the aristocracy and neither knew what to say about it. Now, they were left with only the memories of what they had shared, and bittersweet regret of what might have been.
“Are you going to be alright?” Myles asked when her grandmother’s house came into sight half an hour later.
“Yes, I think so,” she whispered.
No. No, I won’t ever be alright. She looked at him with longing in her eye she made no attempt to hide.
“Estelle,” he whispered in a voice heavy with regret.
Estelle heard that regret, and offered him a smile that wobbled alarmingly.
“Thank you for accommodating me. I am sorry for everything you and your family have endured and wish you well,” she whispered.
“We are still going to see each other, Estelle,” Myles warned her.
“I know, but it won’t be the same, will it?” she replied.
Myles sighed. “No, I don’t suppose it will. I wish I could do something to make things different but there is so much going on at the moment-”
Estelle nodded. She hated that he felt the need to set her down gently. The feelings she had for him were something he hadn’t asked for, or even done much to earn. She hadn’t made any attempt to quell them, and had instead indulged them to the point that they had grown so much they had changed her view of everything.
She couldn’t bring herself to say ‘goodbye’. Instead, she smiled and began to walk to her grandmother’s door.
Myles watched her go. Thankfully, the street was deserted and politeness didn’t force him into conversation with anybody. He turned around to head home.
Suddenly, he knew he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t allow their parting to be this harsh. Without caring who saw him, he stalked after her, and caught up with her when she was about to open her grandmother’s front door. Swinging her around he hauled her against his chest and kissed her the way he truly wanted to. Words couldn’t convey the feelings that were pummelling him so he allowed the kiss to speak for him.
He couldn’t put into words the emotions that coursed through him. After all, it had only been a few days since he had sat in the tavern in London and placed a wager that he would avoid matrimony for the next twelve months with his friends. Now, only a few days later, he was contemplating throwing his life on its head and asking Estelle to be his wife.
But so much has changed he mused. My family is no longer as it was. Is it not time I changed as well?
He knew the answer, but the difficult times the family had yet to face kept him quiet. When he lifted his head he rested his forehead against hers for several moments until he knew that if he was going to leave he had to do it now before he did something foolhardy like make her promises were likely to bring her more upset.
Without saying a word, he turned around and walked away.
Estelle watched him go. It wasn’t lost on her that the first time she had seen him their meeting had concluded with her watching him walk up the cliff path. It seemed bizarrely fitting that their last meeting concluded with her watching him walk away.
This time, though, she knew they weren’t likely to meet again.
EPILOGUE
One month later
The bluff high on the cliff overlooking the tiny fishing village was starting to become her most favourite place in the whole world. Her daily climb up to the top of the hill was only hindered when it rained. Today, the sun was shining and afforded her a clear view not only of the coastline, but the glittering azure ocean laid out before her like a carpet of sparkling promise.
She sighed when the winds buffed her cheeks and made her skin tingle. While she revelled in the sensation, it did little to eradicate the heavy weight around her heart. She knew what it was, and where it had come from, but could do little about erasing it.
Not even when her grandma had given her a letter this morning from her father’s solicitor and she had learned she had inherited the farm and a fortune back in Northampton, did the feeling ease. The grief she felt at not having Myles in her life any more was a part of her now, and as deeply affecting as the death of her parents had been.
She hadn’t seen him since the day he had kissed her goodbye outside of her grandma’s house. She knew he had been to the village, on several occasions, with the magistrate when he had arrested the villagers involved in the satanic rituals, but he hadn’t made any attempt to call by to see her.
