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Her own moral code would not allow her to lie to herself. No, not even for her own self-protection. There had been times recently—brief, startling and shockingly explicit milliseconds of time—when she had experienced some very unfamiliar and disturbing sensations when she was in Jake’s company, and some even more unfamiliar and disturbing emotions, accompanied by mental images she was blushing to recall now, just as much as she had blushed to remember what had occurred last night when she had first opened her eyes and known what had taken place.
She stiffened as she heard the kitchen door open on the other side of the yard and saw David striding towards her. She knew what he was going to say. He was going to remind her again that Jake wanted to see her.
Her fingers fumbled with the catch of the bonnet as she released it, causing the metal to crash down on her fingers before she had time to snatch them away. The skin wasn’t broken but she would definitely bear the bruises of her carelessness for several days, she recognised as she instinctively sucked her sore flesh.
And then she remembered just how Jake had sucked on her vulnerable and responsive body last night, and how it had felt—how she had felt—and by the time David reached her her whole body was burning with the shocked heat of her own thoughts. Not because she now thoroughly rejected and regretted what had taken place, but because…because…
‘You do know that Jake wants you to go over to the Hall this morning, don’t you?’ he asked her predictably.
‘Yes, I know.’ Lucianna knew she was stumbling over the words in her vulnerable emotional state, the colour coming and going in her face.
It was no use trying to delude herself any longer. She couldn’t have experienced what she had last night—felt how she had last night, done what she had done last night—without at least feeling something for Jake, even if it was very difficult for her now, in the harsh light of day, to reconcile those feelings, those needs with the resentment and, yes, even animosity she had previously believed she felt for him.
Recognising that her mind simply wasn’t on her work, and that if she didn’t want David chasing her tail all day she would be better off simply giving in and going to see Jake, she automatically wiped her hands on a soft rag, wincing at the pain in her swollen fingers, and then headed for the house to get showered and changed.
Abruptly she stopped. Showered and changed…? What was wrong with going round to see Jake dressed as she presently was? After all, she had done so before on countless occasions. Why was this time different? Why did she feel this sudden need to have Jake see her looking her best?
Shyly and uncertainly Lucianna studied her reflection in her bedroom mirror. Her hair gleamed silkily down onto her shoulders, the make-up she had so painstakingly applied brought out the colour of her eyes and the purity of her skin, the lipstick…
She started to reach for a tissue to wipe it off and then stopped herself. The salesgirl had, after all, assured her that the soft colour was perfectly suitable for anytime wear. It was just perhaps that she wasn’t used to seeing it on her mouth and certainly it seemed to make her lips look much fuller, almost slightly swollen, or was that because…? Her hand was trembling as she put the unused tissue down.
Half of her dreaded the thought of seeing Jake but the other half…Her heart skipped a beat and then another. Could it be possible, could she somehow or other, without knowing it had happened, actually have fallen in love with Jake? And was that why…? Jake would know, she comforted herself automatically. Jake would understand…explain…Jake would…
A hot pink film of colour flooded her face as she realised just where her wanton thoughts were taking her. Jake would what? Jake would take her in his arms, kiss her senseless and then…
Suddenly the jeans and tee shirt she was wearing seemed far too heavy and hot. Suddenly her whole body was aching in very much the same way that it had ached last night. Suddenly…
Suddenly she couldn’t wait to see Jake, to be with him, to be reassured by him, to have him help her to understand and come to terms with the shock of what had happened.
Jake…He would, she knew, know just how she was feeling, just how shy and uncertain she was…just how much she needed his understanding…his…his love!
Jake frowned as he tried to focus his attention on the work on his desk. His head ached and his eyes felt gritty—no doubt from his lack of sleep last night, but how on earth could he have slept after what had happened? What had Lucianna thought, felt, when she woke up this morning? Did she hate him even more than ever now or…?
Of course she must. Why did he need to ask himself that question? The fact that he loved her was no excuse for the way he had lost his head, not to hi
mself and certainly not to her, and yet lying awake in his own bed last night, thinking about her, remembering how she had felt in his arms, how she had been in his arms, remembering the warmth of her, the sheer essence of her, a part of him that was unashamedly and wholly male could not totally regret what had happened.
He could not regret either that he had been the first one, the only one, to hear her cries of ecstatic pleasure, to hear her unguarded, untutored words of female arousal, and he knew that, whilst she might not have loved him, last night, for a small space of time, she had been wholly his to love and cherish, his to show the true depths of her own passion and needs as well as his own, his to hold, to cherish…to love…
But this morning, in the cold light of day, he had had to face reality—and her—and so he had rung David and asked David to make sure that she came to see him. What he had to say to her required privacy for them both, and time—time for him to make sure that she listened and fully understood that no part of what had happened between them was in any way her responsibility. That burden at least he could release her from. Under other circumstances and in a different relationship with another woman he might have been impelled to ask why, when she claimed to love another man so deeply, she had responded so intensely, so intuitively, so instinctively to him, but he suspected he already knew the answer and that was quite simply that Lucianna had responded to him because he had been there, because he had overpowered her, overwhelmed her with his own sexuality and his own needs.
Jake frowned as he saw an unfamiliar Toyota car draw up in front of the house. Turning away from the study window, he went to the front door, wondering if perhaps Lucianna was driving one of her customer’s cars. The young woman emerging from the car was vaguely familiar to him and her body language rather more so, although he didn’t betray by as much as a single glance that he was aware of the delicate provocation of the way his visitor was walking towards him, nor the way she paused to smooth her completely wrinkle-free skirt down over her thighs, giving him a long, slow smile as she did so.
‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised as she got within earshot of him. ‘I know you won’t remember me. I’m a friend of Lucianna’s, Felicity Hammond; we met in town a couple of weeks ago.’ She tossed her hair and smiled at him again.
‘I’ve just called at the farm but Lucianna wasn’t there and I wondered if you could possibly pass on a message to her for me. I wouldn’t ask but it is rather urgent. John, her boyfriend, faxed us this morning—I work in the same office—to say that he is coming home earlier than planned…I knew Lucianna would want to know. He’s obviously been missing her as much as she’s been missing him…’
She paused and glanced towards the door which Jake had pulled closed behind him.
‘This is a wonderful house,’ she told him appreciatively. ‘I’d love to see more of it…’
‘We don’t hold open days, I’m afraid,’ Jake told her impassively, and then added courteously, ‘I shall certainly see Lucianna gets your message but now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m afraid I’m rather busy…’
As he turned away Jake guessed that the unflattering flush burning her face owed more to anger than embarrassment. He wasn’t averse to women taking the initiative—far from it—and the reason he had taken such an intense dislike to her was not so much because of that but because she was the bearer of news he simply didn’t want to hear, he derided himself as he firmly closed the door behind himself, leaving her standing in the driveway.
So, John had missed Lucianna, had he? Well, it was a pity that he hadn’t appreciated her a little more when he had had the chance, Jake thought. And no doubt Lucianna would be thrilled to hear the news about his imminent return even if he wasn’t.
Would she tell John what had happened between them, and if she did would he…? For her own sake he would have to caution her not to do so, Jake told himself sternly. In fact, he would have to caution her not to tell anyone, he acknowledged, feeling fiercely aware of his need to protect her from the judgement of others.
