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‘You knew anyway,’ Emma accused. ‘You knew that morning you said you loved me, and you knew it when you chose to let me go.’ And it was agony when he nodded. ‘So don’t play the wounded party now—you chose not to be around, Luca. I bore you, remember?’
‘Never,’ Luca said, his face pale.
‘And I’m not very interesting in bed.’
‘That’s not true either,’ he said. How he hated hearing it, how he hated what he had done to her—and yet now he had to face it. ‘All I think about is you. All I want is you—if you will give me this chance,’ he vowed.
‘Why would I?’ She had loved him so much and he hadn’t wanted that love. She could almost forgive him for herself, but she wouldn’t be careless with her baby’s heart. ‘Why would I risk it again? We’ll do fine without you.’
And she would, he knew that she would, but how he wanted her to do better than fine—with him by her side.
‘I was scared I was like my father,’ he admitted.
‘Not good enough, Luca.’ She turned her face away. ‘I’m scared I’m like my mother—but deep down I know I’ll never walk away. You did.’
‘He beat her.’ Luca closed his eyes. ‘Badly, over and over.’
‘I know that,’ Emma pointed out. ‘And I know you never would do that to me or our baby, so why couldn’t you trust that?’
‘My grandfather, my uncle, they were the same too. Emma, I didn’t want to hurt you.’
‘But you did!’ She was trying not to cry, trying not to get upset, trying to stay calm for the baby, but it was hard. ‘Over and over you did. It doesn’t have to be a fist to hurt, Luca.’
Her words sliced his heart—bitter, bitter was his regret.
‘My grandmother slipped and fell.’ Luca’s voice was a hoarse whisper, voicing dark thoughts that had never been said. ‘That is what I was told, that was what I believed—I heard my mother sob one night that Rico was just like his father. “And look where my mother ended up” was Rico’s response.’
It wasn’t just his father, Emma started to see that now, and it wasn’t just the beating…
‘He killed her.’
‘Oh, Luca,’ Emma whispered.
‘And Rico’s brother, Rinaldo.’ His voice was hoarse, the filth of the past all spewing out now. ‘He beat Zia Maria too. Daniela remembers her as glamorous, always wearing make-up—only, of course, it was to cover the bruises.’
Emma closed her eyes, recalling the well made-up face of Rinaldo’s second bride.
‘Maria came to our door one night, scared and crying, yet my mother sent her away—and she was dead the next morning. Kicked by a horse, my father, the policeman, announced after he’d investigated.
‘I grew up with this secret—a secret so well hidden that not even the family doctor could see. My father was the trusted village policeman and yet in his home he did terrible things—his brothers and father too. And when I was younger, I promised I would never get so involved with a woman that I would marry her, give her children…’ It was so hard to explain and yet he persevered. ‘I thought there was this…inevitability, that the violence was in my blood, in my genes. That I had been passed not just the family name…’ His eyes searched the gorgeous mound of her stomach. ‘And I thought that I had passed it on too—and that the baby would have a better chance of a normal life with just you to look after it.’
‘You should have told me all this,’ Emma said.
‘When?’ Luca challenged. ‘I don’t come with a government warning. I made my choice to never get too involved with anyone, and then you came along and that simple resolution…’ He swallowed as he recalled just how hard it had been to keep it in and how scared he had been to let it out. ‘I was going to tell you. The day of the funeral, I knew somehow that I would do better, that I could not hurt you. For the first time I realised I had choices—and I also realised you had to make your choices too. It is not an easy family to marry into.’
‘Marry?’ Emma blinked. ‘You were thinking of asking me to marry you that day?’
‘And every day from the moment I met you—even if I didn’t want to admit it,’ Luca said truthfully.
‘So why didn’t you?’ she wanted to know.
‘I spoke with Leo.’
‘The doctor?’
Luca nodded. ‘I tried to tell him my concerns, I wanted him to reassure me, and instead he said that I could not hide from my genes. He offered me counselling. I thought he was talking about anger management…’
‘How dare he?’ It was Emma who needed anger management now. ‘How bloody archaic, how dare he imply that you’d be like that too?’
