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I want him to stay with me and be my friend. My gorgeous, beautiful, fuckable friend.
He is the first person who I could tell about my past and now he is telling me his.
We buy two of the dresses and a pair of heels before we head back to the hotel. Silence has fallen between us as we walk hand in hand, and I wish I could act happy and joyful, but the fact is I really don’t want to say goodbye to him.
This is it. I will never see him again. We get to the room and I open the door. We walk in and throw all of the bags on the floor. I’m not sure what to say, so I start with the lame stuff. “Would you like a cup of tea?”
He smiles, knowing my tactic. “No, I’ve got to get going.”
I nod. I knew he was going to say that.
He walks over to the desk and takes the pen and paper and scribbles down a number and hands it to me. “This is my mother’s phone number. If you need to contact me.” He hesitates. “Call her. I check in with her every few weeks.”
I nod and take the paper from him and fold it in half.
He watches me intently. “You going to be alright?”
I nod as my eyes stay fixed firmly on the floor. I’m not good at goodbyes. I’ve said goodbye to everyone I cared for at one stage or another.
He puts his fingers underneath my chin, brings my eyes up to meet his, and we stare at each other for a moment. It’s like he feels the same… but then he doesn’t say anything.
“You should go,” I whisper.
He nods.
“Thank you for everything.” I smile. I can feel the tears welling and I just need him to go before he sees them. I am suddenly scared to start a new life on my own.
Stop it.
He holds me in a tight embrace and I feel his large, warm arms around me one last time. We cling to each other for an extended time, and without another word he turns and walks out of the door.
It clicks softly as it closes behind him.
I blow out a large breath as the tears slowly well in my eyes. I head over to the window so I can watch him walk away one last time. I stare down at the street below at all the people merrily going by with their lives.
I feel a sense of closure… of who I used to be.
I feel a beginning of who I want to be and I smile.
No remorse, no regrets, just a sense of gratitude that I met him for even a little while.
He gave me freedom.
I see him exit the front doors. I put my hands on the glass and lean into the window to watch him. He heads over to the cab rank and talks to the driver, and then gets into the backseat. In slow motion, the cab pulls out and drives away.
He gave me my freedom.
* * *
Three hours and a good cry later, I am lying in a semi-conscious state in the deep, hot bath.
It’s okay to cry sometimes, Mom used to say. It purges the bad to make way for the good. I think I was crying for the loss of my life rather than the loss of Stace.
Although that feels pretty shitty, too. He would be back on his boat now. Ship, I correct myself with a smile. My diamonds are all packed safely away and I have an appointment tomorrow with a master jeweler to sell one of them. I have to sell them one by one to not raise suspicion. I’ve also made an appointment to get a safety deposit box. I can’t keep the remaining diamonds here. I need to have them somewhere secure.
I smile in my heated, relaxed state. Everything is going to plan and how it should be… finally.
Once I get the diamonds all sold off and money into an offshore account, I’m off to Europe to start my new life.
