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-I’m here. I’m actually in Seattle, at Alessio’s house. I spoke to my son for the first time since Enzo took him from me. He’s such a sweet, quiet boy. My heart isn’t broken anymore. Alessio has taken good care of him, though emotionally, he seems absent.
-This might be harder than I thought.
-Alessio is watching me. It should scare me, but it doesn’t. Why?
-Nino is getting more comfortable around me every day. He’s flourishing here. Part of me feels guilty. He does care about Alessio. What will happen when I take him away?
-We need to leave soon. Things are getting too confusing. Alessio is confusing me.
-I went to Alessio’s room to kill him. I couldn’t go through with it. I don’t want to hurt him. That’s a problem.
-Alessio comes to me at night. We have sex, and I like it. I like it way too much. But then he leaves me, and I feel … empty. I’m scared of these feelings. I’m scared because sometimes I think I wish I could stay. I wish he could want me the way that I want him.
-So much to update, but I think this will be my last. I don’t even know why I’m writing these anymore. Alessio married me, but not for love. I love him, though. I got my son back, and I love him with my whole heart too. I just don’t know if I can survive here without Alessio’s warmth. Will he ever give me a chance?
It’s the last entry on the page, and I can’t take my eyes off of it as the weight of her words settles over me. This woman … this fucking witch of a woman stalked me, researched me, and created an elaborate plan to inject herself into my life without me even realizing it. I don’t know whether I’m more impressed or terrified by her, but there’s one glaring certainty. She is my equal in every way, and after all of that, she thinks she can just leave me?
“Alessio?” Angelo’s voice startles me, and when I look up, he’s watching me with concern. “Damien’s been disposed of. I went through his apartment, and it looks like he and Enzo had been exchanging letters. Apparently, they knew each other from the Cat House. Damien had roughed up one of the women, and Enzo helped him clean it up without anyone finding out. They’ve been writing to each other for years, and Enzo called on him to repay the favor now. He gave Damien instructions to access the safe at Gwen’s house. I found a large amount of cash hidden in his closet and a plane ticket to Mexico. It looks like he was going to kill Natalia and bail the country.”
I absorb that information, and my pulse slows, my voice barely audible as I speak.
“Natalia thinks I did this. She thinks it was me.”
35
Natalia
“Nino.” I try to call out his name, but my voice is too weak.
I open the door to the hall closet, checking in there, but it’s empty too. I’m trying not to panic, but the longer I walk around the house in my robe, the harder it’s becoming to reel in my emotions. I was only in the shower for fifteen minutes. I didn’t hear anything, but I can’t find him. The house is small, only a one-bedroom on a half-acre of property in a rural area. There aren’t many places for him to go.
Sweat trickles down my neck as I glance out the windows into the yard. There’s no sign of him there either. I stuff my feet into a pair of boots near the door and trudge outside.
“Nino,” I try again, but the cold air makes it even harder to speak.
Immediately, the worst thoughts enter my mind. It’s the same scenario that plays through my head every time I lose sight of him, or I hear a noise at night, or a strange car drives by. If someone looks at me funny in the grocery store, or a neighbor stops by to be friendly, that thought is always there. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder and wondering if today is going to be the day.
After three months of this, my nerves are shot, and it isn’t getting better with time. It’s only getting worse. I’m pregnant, hormonal, and I feel like I’m losing my mind every second of every day. At times, it’s unbearable, and I find myself questioning everything. This was always the end goal before Alessio came into the picture. I was supposed to run off into the sunset with Nino and make a life for us, but this isn’t a life. It’s a prison.
I’m terrified to let him out of my sight. I live in fear that at any moment, someone else will show up at my door, and this time, I won’t survive. It feels like I’ve only bought myself time, but time will eventually run out. For so long, I had thought about what it would be like to get my life back. In theory, I knew that I’d never really be free. We’d have to be careful. That was a given, but imagining it and living it are two different things. I don’t know how to make this work. The Society’s reach is too powerful, and realistically, there isn’t anywhere on this planet that we could ever really be safe. Alessio told me that if I ran again, he wouldn’t be able to protect me, but he left me no choice, and now here I am.
