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I turn my head until I’m looking directly at the vein that pulses in the side of his neck. “You okay?”
Squeezing his eyes closed, he zones into the ceiling of the car. “What do you think?”
“Well, I didn’t kill anyone, so there’s that…” I try to joke, nudging him with my arm.
“Huh, kinda wished you did.” He rubs his eyes with the backs of his hands.
“Which time?” My answer is smooth, almost too casual for the subtle switch of subject.
His head whips toward me and his eyes narrow. “Fucking knew it.”
The atmosphere was extra heavy tonight, and I didn’t know if that was because it was our fourth show in three days—yes, that meant there was a double-up day—or if I was just getting plain lazy.
I walked into the showroom, already dressed in fishnet tights, thigh-high black boots, and a tight, short leather skirt with suspenders clipped to a studded bra. My hair was freshly washed and styled, and my makeup impeccable.
“Lilith,” Jean called from behind me.
I rolled my eyes, spinning around to face her. “What? I’ve got to get ready.”
“We need you at the back.”
“Why? That isn’t my job, Jean. That’s yours.”
“Lilith, for once, try not to be so cold. We help each other.”
I stepped toward her, glaring straight into her warm brown eyes. “I’m a product of my creators, Jean.” Shoulder barging past her, I did as I was told anyway, but not for Jean, because fuck her, but because of Bear.
She was always nervous before a set, which was understandable since they tended to be more vicious with her, for obvious reasons. Patience didn’t make a lot of sense to me. We put on a show, the customers took part, and during everything, the new recruits would be sold under the guise of a performance. In actuality, there were only six Dolls, but during every show, there “appeared” to be eight. The other two were there for sale. Never knew any of their stories. I forced myself to not become involved with who came and went, so I turned off my humanity a long time ago, and as time went on, it just became something we did.
We had to do.
At least for me.
I dropped down onto the floor where Bear was curled, her arms wrapped around her legs. “Hey.” I brushed her hair away from her face. “You want me to do this set with you?”
Her green eyes came to mine, the scar over her jaw only defining her sharp features. Bear was beautiful. But she was also like me. We fed off each other and survived that way. I almost think we wouldn’t be able to live without one another.
“You can’t leave me, Lilith.”
I brushed my finger down her cheek. “I told you I wouldn’t.”
She nodded, swiping the tears that had fallen down her cheek.
“You got your cards?” I asked as she stood to her feet.
“I do.” Her shoulders straightened and I knew she was back. Bear was tough as shit, but she knew she could be vulnerable around me. She pulled her tarot deck out from under her bra and started shuffling. “Ready for our next victim?”
I smirked at her, running my tongue over my teeth. “You know it.” We chose our victims in one or two ways. If there was no one worth our time in the audience, we would shuffle the deck…
It was dark. As soon as we got home from the club, I dragged myself upstairs and collapsed on my bed. The fatigue is a killer whenever alcohol is involved, which is why I generally stay away from it. I prefer weed.
Pushing my hair out of my face, after tossing and turning for hours, I try to close my eyes to get a couple more hours sleep in. I hate my body clock and how relentless it is at waking me at four a.m.
“I’ve been sitting here, wondering what to say to you.” Eli’s voice shocks me for a brief second, but I blink away the colorful dots that are dancing behind my eyes.
“You don’t have to say anything at all.”
“But I do…” he murmurs drowsily, and I know he hasn’t had much sleep. “Do you—”
“—No, Eli. I’m not doing this right now.”
“Ever?” he asks, and I know what he’s doing.
“Ever is a long time, but we can start with right now. I’m not doing this right now.”
He stumbles off the floor and I shoot up, hooking my arm around his waist and directing him toward the bed. “How much have you had to drink?”
“A fucking lot.” He snickers, but even as I place him down on the mattress, I can hear his breathing mellow out.
“Sleep.” I don’t even finish when he’s knocked out cold. I pull up the blanket and cover his body, slowly making my way to my closet and turning on the light. There’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to sleep now, so I guess I’ll have to drag my sorry ass downstairs to wallow in my self-pity since my bed is now occupied. I take out a pair of gray leggings and a crop top, then slide on a pair of woolen socks and a hoodie. I brush out my hair and scrub my teeth before swiping up my phone and opening Instagram. I started one the first day I was in Mayhem and that was on Saskia and Perse’s orders. Apparently, social media is all a part of their hype.
