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“Marriage, kids, you know.”
“That’s a cop-out, Paul. We’d discussed marriage.”
“Always in the terms of way off in the future. I’d been trying to pin you down on wedding plans for months and you kept putting me off.”
She didn’t recall any major discussions about getting married, just vague ones about someday. She’d been good with someday as she’d not been ready to slow down on her workload.
“There was no rush,” she admitted.
“Don’t you think there should have been? That you should have been excited about being my wife?”
McKenzie opened her mouth to deny his claim. She had been...or had she?
She’d started dating Paul after her mother’s signing her up for that speed dating event. Had she fallen into their relationship for convenience? Continued seeing him because he was a good man—comfortable?
“You never let yourself fully get on board with our relationship, and I always felt it,” he continued. “I always wondered if it was that other guy, the one before me, but I can’t help but wonder if he didn’t run into the same wall I did. That you refuse to let yourself love.”
That was a joke. She loved. She’d loved Clay. She’d loved Paul. She’d loved Ryder. They’d all been the ones to leave.
She’d loved Ryder? That one had her pausing. She hadn’t loved Ryder. She’d...
Her gaze met Paul’s.
A whole lot of realizations swamped her. Realizations that she had cared deeply for Clay, for the man sitting across from her, but she hadn’t been in love with either.
But she had been in love.
Was in love.
With a man as emotionally inaccessible as...as she’d been to the man she was dining with.
And yet...
“I—I’m sorry, Paul.” She folded her napkin. “You’re a good man, but if tonight is about us getting back together, it’s not going to happen.”
Just being content, comfortable in a relationship, was overrated, and not something she’d ever settle for again.
* * *
McKenzie strolled through Pike Place Market, stopping at one vendor’s booth, then another, pausing to watch workers toss a purchased fish, then meandering over to her favorite coffee shop to buy a cup of pick-me-up.
Coffee soon finished, she stopped at a booth, bought a gorgeous bouquet.
It was only a few short blocks to her condo, but rather than go straight home, McKenzie headed down to the pier, traveling past a couple of cruise ships as she headed in the direction of the aquarium. She enjoyed each step, breathing in the seaside air, embracing the wind against her face.
She truly loved this city. Eventually, it was possible she’d move back to Nashville, but other than her family being so far away, her life was in Seattle.
McKenzie paused when she came to the pier, walked out onto the decking, and wondered if she’d see any seals.
Leaning against the railing, she watched a fishing boat in the distance, listened to seagulls calling, the sounds of the city behind her, sounds of the harbor before her.
Having the day off work was nice but meant zero chance of bumping into Ryder.
She closed her eyes, breathed in the sea air.
She planned to talk to him. To tell him everything in her heart.
