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He’d mentioned that Kyle might be up for adoption someday. She’d never considered Justin adopting him—but perhaps she should have, knowing how involved Justin was with him.
She had no doubt Justin would take his position in Kyle’s life seriously. The boy was blessed to have Justin wanting to be his father. She didn’t find it hard to imagine him being a dad. Justin was wonderful with the boys and would be a wonderful father to Kyle and to any other children he might someday have.
Her uterus spasmed deep within her at the thought of Justin having more children, of another woman’s belly ripe with his baby.
She never should have gotten involved with him. Look at her now, feeling possessive of what wasn’t hers, longing for something that hadn’t existed for more than a few fleeting moments.
“Riley?”
He interrupted her thoughts and she glanced up, thinking he looked way more perfect than any person had a right to. Definitely he was the closest she’d ever come to perfection—likely ever would come. Not that she was looking for perfection, or anything else. She’d been just fine before he came along. She’d be just fine when he moved on.
Only the thought of not having him in her life gutted her. Not being able to kiss him or touch him.
How was she supposed to forget how it felt to be as one with this man and just move on as if she’d never known that high?
Anger at herself for becoming so vulnerable to him hit her. Anger at herself, and at him too, for making her want things she was better off not wanting.
“Riley?” he repeated.
“Justin?” she countered, lifting her chin and focusing on her anger. It was easier to grasp hold of than the intense sadness of the fact that they were ebbing away.
Looking frustrated, he raked his fingers though his hair. “I’m trying to figure out where everything in my life stands at this point.”
“Mainly meaning me and where I fit in?”
“Kyle adores you.”
“I adore him too—but that has nothing to do with where you and I stand.”
His gaze bored into her. “Doesn’t it?”
A heaviness fell over her chest, her shoulders, weighing her down. Averting her gaze, she stared at her dirty fingernails, wondering why she found feeling the cold earth between her fingers so satisfying, wondering if there was enough dirt on the planet to get her through the heartache headed her way.
“I think we need to talk about Johnny.”
Riley’s jaw dropped. Um...no, they didn’t need to do that.
Her fingers curled into her palms. “Why would we talk about my ex?”
“It’s time you told me about what happened between the two of you.”
It was probably past time. But things had been going along so easily and wonderfully she hadn’t wanted to think about Johnny, much less talk about him. Who wanted to tell her lover that the last guy in her bed—the only other guy in her bed—had stood her up on what should have been the happiest day of her life?
Telling him now, when they were on the cusp of the end... Did it even matter at this point?
Riley took a deep breath. She didn’t want to relive that horrible moment. But Justin wasn’t going to let this drop. He thought he needed to know. And maybe telling him would amp up her defenses, because currently she felt so exposed.
“Johnny swooped onto the scene not long after my mother died.” She’d felt so alone in the world, so lost...“After she was killed in that car wreck I was devastated.” She’d never known a person could cry that many tears and live. “She was my best friend and I’d never felt so alone,” she admitted.
She had been alone.
“Johnny was handsome, and charming, and in my grief I latched on to him for all I was worth. Because focusing on him made the pain of losing Mom seem less. I ignored all the things I should have seen—like the fact that he went through half a dozen jobs during the time I knew him—and I dove in heart-first. Because when I was with him I wasn’t alone.”
“He asked you to marry him.”
“Yes, he asked me.”
Needing to move, she walked over to the eucalyptus tree, broke off a tiny segment, and inhaled the scent that usually comforted her. Nothing could soothe her inner shaking, though.
