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Justin frowned at his friend. This was the first time Stan had ever commented on Ashley. “Seriously? Everyone always told me how shocked they were that we broke up.”
Stan looked surprised. “I wasn’t shocked you broke things off—just at how long you took to do so. On the few times she came to one of the Wilderness Group get-togethers you never looked at her the way you looked at Riley. Not once.”
Probably not. Because he’d never felt about Ashley the way he felt about Riley. Which meant what?
Nothing. Because she’d never let her guard down long enough to risk love and he’d forever be walking on eggshells in case she shut him out.
She had shut him out.
“Call it lust or love or whatever, but you were never heartbroken over your break-up with Ashley—unlike now.”
Justin shook his head in denial. “You’re just seeing nerves. Once everything is settled and Kyle is officially mine I’ll be fine.”
“If you say so.” Stan’s gaze went to where the kids were cheering as Jevon’s ball knocked down half the pins. “Let’s go see what the boys are up to.”
* * *
Justin walked into the spare bedroom, his gaze going to the stuffed video character on the bed. Kyle’s favorite. Justin had covered the bed with a matching comforter set, and hung a few posters on the wall, but the room was still bare basics because he wanted Kyle involved in the process of decorating. He’d just got a few items to make the kid feel welcome.
If he got to bring him home.
Maybe he just thought he was meant to have a houseful of kids.
Maybe his role was simply to run the Wilderness Group and he shouldn’t try to take things further.
He’d always planned to adopt. But was it fair of him to project that onto the people in his life? To have projected it upon Ashley? Upon Riley?
Just the thought of her had his insides knotted.
He’d wanted forever. She’d wanted—not forever.
Not anything.
Raking his fingers through his hair, he went back to his own room and got ready for bed.
When he climbed between the sheets he was still restless. Because he couldn’t get Riley off his mind. Knowing sleep wasn’t going to happen, he grabbed his phone off the nightstand and opened his messages.
Nothing.
Not one word from her.
What was he thinking? She wasn’t going to text him. If she’d wanted to talk to him she wouldn’t have done everything she could to put space between them. So why couldn’t he just forget her?
He tapped her number, pulling up her text messages and scrolling back to when she’d sent him the photos of them during that first run.
His jaw worked back and forth as memories assaulted him. Memories of how vulnerable she’d been—still was, he reminded himself. Memories of how kissing her that first time had felt, in the garden at Paul and Cheyenne’s engagement party. Memories of their first night together in the very bed he now lay in.
No wonder his house felt empty.
No wonder every house the real estate agent had shown him had felt empty.
Because he was empty.
Empty without Riley.
He’d been a fool to hope he could change her mind. Change her heart.
Memories of the past flashed through him—memories of hoping he could change his birth mother’s heart, could make her want him. He couldn’t make Riley love him any more than he’d been able to make his birth mother love him.
