AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you, dreaming about you,” he continued. “I wanted a second chance with you.”
Her hand still trembled within his, but she didn’t pull it away. His was trembling, too.
“I messed up when we got married, Emily. I was immature, selfish, stressed with school, stressed by my grandmother’s death and how my mother wasn’t dealing with that. I was distracted by life, and I lost the most important thing that’s ever been mine.”
She just stared at him blankly.
“You.”
“You never owned me.”
“Sure I did. You gave yourself to me, just as I gave myself to you. Unfortunately, I was a fool who didn’t see what a prize having you was. I married you for all the wrong reasons, Emily.”
Her body tensed. “I wasn’t pregnant when we got married.”
“No, I didn’t think you were and that wasn’t what I meant. I married you for my convenience.”
Emily didn’t understand. She gazed at him in confusion, waiting for him to elaborate.
“I wanted to have you with me when it was convenient for me. I wanted to have all my old life, but to have you there when I wanted you there. I was an idiot who didn’t deserve you. I probably still don’t, but I want to be a part of your life all the same.”
Emily digested what he’d said. Their marriage hadn’t just fallen apart because of mistakes he’d made. She’d made plenty of them, too. She’d been so intimidated by his family, so hurt by their thoughts that she’d only become involved with Lucas because of money, that she’d automatically bristled at anything to do with them or money. She’d reacted similarly to his friends. She’d isolated herself from his life outside their apartment. And then, when she’d gotten pregnant, her mood swings had gotten bad, her paranoia over her lack of fitting in had grown, her ability to rationally think things through where he was concerned had failed.
“The one thing I got right, Emily, was you. I love you. I have from the beginning. That never changed. Not through the tears I never understood. Not through the fights. Not through the divorce that never should have taken place. Not through the years that have passed.” He squeezed her hand. “I resented the power you held over me.”
Ha. She’d been a leaf floating in the wind, at mercy to drift whichever direction he blew.
“I was powerless.”
“You may not have known it, but you had all the power where I was concerned. Stop and think about it. I abided by your rules, Emily. You said we had to live in your tiny apartment, so we did. You said I couldn’t use my trust fund, so I didn’t. I had a thousand demands on me from the hospital, from school, from my parents and from you. I felt as if I was going to snap. Every time we were together, all you’d do was cry, then we’d fight. The more we fought, the more I justified pulling away from you.”
She pulled her hand free and scooted away from him. “You wanted to put our marriage on hold until a more convenient time?” She shook her head. “Why are you telling me this now? Any of this?”
“Because to move forward all the past has to be dealt with.”
“Too much has happened for you and I to move forward.”
He moved closer to her, took her hand back and gently held it within his. “I hope you don’t believe that, because I don’t. Not anymore.”
Did she?
“I was pregnant, Lucas. I was pregnant and alone and you weren’t there.” She hadn’t meant to say the words, wasn’t even sure where they came from, but from somewhere deep, dark inside the words had leaped out, revealing her innermost pain.
“I wish I had been, Emily. If I’d known, I would have been at your side.” His hand tightened around hers. “When I came home and your things were gone, I couldn’t believe you’d left me. Stupid pride kicked in. I called a lawyer and set the divorce into motion. For what it’s worth, I never thought we’d go through with it.”
“You filed for divorce. Of course we’d go through with it.”
“I thought you’d tell me where I could stick my divorce papers. It’s what I wanted you to tell me.”
“I got the papers on the day I came home from the hospital from losing our baby. I just looked at them and felt so defeated. I signed them and put them in the return envelope to your lawyer. My mother warned me to wait, that I wasn’t thinking straight and should talk to someone before I just signed them, but I didn’t have the energy to wait or fight.”
“I’m sorry, Emily. I made so many mistakes, so many things I wish I could do over, but I can’t. All I can do is make sure I learn from the past and never make those same mistakes again.”
“I’m sorry I was so adamant about not using your trust.” She bit the inside of her lip. “I was intimidated by your money. I thought if you lived within my world, we’d be okay, but that if we tried to live within yours, I’d stick out like a sore thumb and everyone would know what a fraud I was.”
His eyes softened. “You weren’t a fraud. You were my wife.”
“I was a kid who got caught up in a love affair that she wanted to believe was a fairy tale. I realized I was too idealistic a month in. By the time I discovered our birth control had failed, I knew we’d jumped too fast.”
