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Through the shadows of the night, she stared at him. Although he knew she couldn’t make out the sincerity on his face, he hoped she heard the truth in his voice, felt the truth in his presence.
Not acknowledging his admission, she walked to the edge of her balcony and leaned toward the sea. She closed her eyes and inhaled. “I love the sea. The wind, the sounds, the smell, all of it.”
Jared decided right then and there that he loved the sea, too. Or perhaps it was the sea nymph on the balcony causing the palpitations in his chest rather than the waves crashing against the shore. Why wasn’t she saying something about what he’d said? Was she intent on torturing him? Making him pay for his sins? Or had she realized she didn’t care about him after all?
“There’s something soothing about being near the water, isn’t there? It’s like being near it revives me,” Chelsea mused without opening her eyes, embracing the wind from the Gulf. “I avoided the beach for a long time because being here made me think of you. Funny that part of the reason I came here was so I could be near you.”
Jared watched her, thinking he was insane for not crossing to her and kissing her senseless, kissing her until she gasped his name and his alone.
“You revive me, Chelsea. I want you in my life.”
“I’m in your life, Jared. We work together.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“What do you mean, Jared?” She turned, facing him again, her hair whipping around her. “Because I’m nothing more to you than a coworker you slept with during a weak moment. We’ve never even been on a proper date. I’m not your girlfriend, ex or otherwise.”
“No, but you should have been from the moment we met,” he interrupted.
“You told me I was too young.”
“You were too young. I hated what you did to my insides, to my supposedly well-ordered life.”
“I didn’t do anything to your life, Jared.”
“You ripped up my definition of life, Chelsea. I had my future with Laura all mapped out in my head. Then I met you and realized I existed in black and white, that I was settling for just existing when I could have everything. You brought color into my world.”
“I gave you color?” she asked, and he tired of the distance between them. He wanted to see her face clearly, to look into her eyes and know what she was feeling.
Despite her shocked protests, he wrapped his arms around her and held her arms so she couldn’t pull away, held her gaze so she’d see what was in his heart.
“You gave me color. That sweet kiss you planted on my surprised lips made me see rainbows, and I’ve never been the same since.”
Her face scrunched up, and she trembled. “Why are you saying this?”
“Because I want you to know the truth.”
“I want…” She paused. “I want you to leave. I told you I can’t take this anymore. By morning you’ll regret having come here, and you’ll go back to treating me like I have bubonic plague. I can’t deal with that anymore, Jared. I won’t.”
“I won’t leave, Chelsea. Not unless you say you don’t love me anymore. But know this—leaving you isn’t what I want.”
“What is it you want, Jared? Because, heaven help me, I’ve tried to figure that out for weeks and I still don’t know.”
“I want you, Chelsea.”
Chelsea stared at Jared and wondered what she was supposed to say. Was she supposed to graciously accept that for now he wanted her so she should make herself available once again?
What if he only let her close when his emotions were raw, like they’d been on the night Connie had died? Like they were tonight because of seeing some of the old gang he and Laura had hung out with?
Regardless of how she felt about him, she refused to let him use her that way. If nothing else, her ordeal with him had convinced her she deserved better. Much better.
Scars and all, she was lovable.
Only Jared wasn’t capable of loving. Not when his heart belonged to a dead woman. She wouldn’t spend the rest of her life trying to live up to a beloved memory.
“That’s too bad because I no longer want you.” Not when she’d only have to give him up when he’d gotten whatever he’d come for, not when she’d be left begging for his love and have to face seeing him at the clinic knowing she loved him and would never really have him.
Surprise came into his eyes, and his throat worked. “I’ve lost you.”
