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Having little memory of any family other than what she could recall of her parents, Natalie struggled to imagine what it must be like at those holiday gatherings.
How many times over the years had she longed to belong to a family? To make memories like the ones Matthew was obviously recalling? How could he have missed family holiday gatherings? Didn’t he realize how blessed he was?
She stuffed another kale chip in her mouth.
“Do you have kids I could play with, too, Natalie?”
Coughing to clear her throat of the chip that lodged there, Natalie shook her head. “No, I don’t have any kids.”
Carrie’s brows veed together and she shook her head, making her ponytail sag further. “Well, that’s just sad.”
Yes, Natalie supposed it was, but bringing a child into the world just so she wouldn’t be alone would be just as sad. She’d once thought she’d meet someone who would want to stick around, who wouldn’t leave her, who’d want to have babies with her. But after Jonathan’s betrayal she wasn’t so sure. Maybe some people weren’t meant to ever be a part of a real family. Certainly she never had been.
“Some people might think so, but I’m not sad. My life is very full,” she defended, not wanting the child or Matthew to feel sorry for her. At Carrie’s continued look of skepticism, Natalie continued, “I’m quite happy with my life, really.”
Mostly, she told the truth. Except for the part where Matthew had taken her job and occupied her thoughts.
“Here, let me fix your ponytail before your hair gets in your food,” Natalie offered, removing the loose band and using her fingers to comb Carrie’s hair back into a ponytail.
Natalie could feel Matthew’s hot scrutiny and finally she looked up, meeting his eyes.
“You make that look easy.”
Natalie shrugged. “Not much to it.”
“Maybe not, since she sat perfectly still for you.” Matthew gave Carrie a pointed look.
“She didn’t hurt me,” the child defended, then gave Natalie an exasperated look. “He pulls my hair out when he does it!”
“I’m getting better,” Matthew assured, his expression almost one of need for Carrie to reassure him that he truly was improving. Carrie gave Natalie a look that said she didn’t agree with Matthew’s assessment, then rattled on in her four-year-old chatter about how her mother had used to style her hair.
Finding herself wanting to give Matthew that reassurance, Natalie stopped herself. She shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be seeing this side of Matthew. A side where a renowned heart surgeon who topped his field took on raising an orphaned child who had no one else, even when it meant giving up a job he loved and becoming a fish-out-of-water parent.
She stared at him, fighting a barrage of swirling emotions.
Oh, good grief. The last thing she needed was to soften toward a man who was supposed to have only been a three-day vacation affair and had ended up turning her life topsy-turvy.
* * *
Natalie loved her patients. From the tiny babies to the teenagers she cared for, she never felt awkward or self-conscious. The only other children she’d been around had been other foster children. Kids who’d been down on their luck and as defensive as she was.
Then there’d been the birth children of the foster families. The loved children who’d often seen her as inferior and felt they had the right to lord it over her, to abuse her verbally and sometimes physically.
She hadn’t gotten close to any of them, had more negative memories than positive ones about those encounters, and would forever be grateful for the final foster family who’d taken her in when she’d been fourteen. She’d stayed with the McCulloughs until she’d left for college. They’d never had children of their own, but had raised several foster kids. It was after she’d been taken in by that wonderful couple that she’d met Suzie and Monica and made her first real friends.
None of that had prepared her for Matthew’s daughter and the bond she already felt with the orphaned little girl.
Dinner had been interesting. They’d eaten their healthy dinner while Carrie told Natalie about going to the park with her grandmother the day before.
“I was only supposed to be at the hospital for less than an hour or she’d have gone to Grandma’s today,” Matthew added.
“Uncle Matthew used to take me to the hospital a lot before we moved.” Carrie didn’t sound happy about the memory.
“Now that we’re closer to Grandma, that shouldn’t happen too much. Plus, Aunt Elaine can watch you some and has a list of sitters for me to interview. You shouldn’t get stuck going too often once I get settled in at work.” Matthew turned to Natalie. “She doesn’t like going to the hospital.”
“Because you take so
long,” Carrie reminded.
