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This, she thought. This was what she wanted.
The crazy, loud chaos from indoors. The preciousness of this moment with Matthew and the kids. Only she wanted it to be real. For her and Matthew to be a couple, for Carrie to be theirs.
She wanted a family. Matthew’s family.
Which scared her.
To want those things was foolish and a waste of energy. Maybe someday she’d have this, a family of her own, but it wouldn’t be with Matthew. He’d made that plain in Florida and again in Memphis. He wasn’t looking for anything long-term, wasn’t that what he’d said?
She closed her eyes, gave in to the rhythm of the moving swing, pushing off each time her feet came near the ground, welcoming the momentum each time Matthew’s hands made contact and gave a hardy push.
Higher and higher she went, her mind clearing and a sense of flying taking hold, making her want to stretch her arms out and go soaring through the air.
Lightness came over her and before she thought better of it she leapt out of the swing, laughing as she landed on her feet with her arms outstretched. “Ta-da!”
“What was that?” Matthew laughed from where he stood behind the swings, giving the girls another push.
“Me reliving my youth,” she blurted out, although it wasn’t exactly true. She couldn’t recall having ever jumped out of a swing in the past, just had memories of watching other kids do so while playing with each other as she watched from the sidelines.
“Looks good on you.”
Her eyes met his. Her breath hiccupped in her throat. No wonder she wanted this. Wanted him. Despite his struggles over his thrust-upon parenting role, he was a good man, was an excellent heart surgeon, was a fantabulous lover and was beautiful to look upon, inside and out.
“Thank you,” she told him as she made her way back over to her swing and set it in motion again, aided by the feel of Matthew’s hands against her bottom for a brief moment.
She definitely should have played more on swings as a child. And more taking chances in her life after that, instead of always playing it safe.
Or was this her brain’s way of trying to convince her that taking a chance with Matthew was okay? That she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life by being here with him today? That she wasn’t setting herself up for horrific pain? That she wasn’t setting sweet little Carrie up for pain, too?
Leaning back into the swing, Natalie closed her eyes and gave in to the swinging motion again.
“I want to jump, too,” Carrie called out.
“Go for it,” he encouraged. “You got this.”
Natalie opened her eyes just in time to see Carrie let go of the swing’s chains and do exactly what Natalie had done minutes before.
Only Carrie’s flight wasn’t a liberating soar. Instead, she flailed through the air.
“Carrie! No!” Natalie warned, planting her feet on the ground to slow her swing the moment the child let go and practically flipped out of the swing seat.
She reached Carrie milliseconds after the little girl hit the ground.
Carrie’s leap from her swing and into the air played in slow motion in Matthew’s head. Even before she hit the ground, he knew her landing wasn’t going to be pretty. She’d come off the swing too high and at the wrong angle, almost as if she had just let go and fallen forward out of the swing rather than leaping.
If only the jump really had been in slow motion and he could have gotten to her in time to catch her.
If only he could move at all.
Carrie’s returning swing slapped against his chest in his frozen state as she landed on the ground hard, and all wrong.
“Carrie!” Natalie knelt next to the unmoving child.
Fear slammed Matthew, paralyzing him. Fear that he’d let something happen to Robert’s child. Fear that she might be seriously hurt. Fear that he’d failed so quickly, so horribly at this parenting thing.
His heart wrenched as Carrie’s cries filled the air, but so did a sense of relief. Cries required life.
He’d had horrors of her landing on her neck.
