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“I know I haven’t been here for you. I’m sorry for that.” More sorry than he’d be able to convey in a lifetime. “I needed to work through some things, to work through my feelings about what happened between us. But it’s okay. I want our baby.”
If he’d thought her eyes had held pain before, he’d been wrong. Never had he seen the raw ache her green gaze held. Never did he want to see such devastation again.
Fresh tears flooded down her cheeks.
“I’m not pregnant.” Each word was like someone had speared her heart.
Sure he’d heard her wrong, Levi pulled back, lifted her chin so he could stare directly into her red-rimmed eyes. “What did you say?”
Her lower lip trembled, her nose ran, her eyes looked bleak. “There is no baby. The test was negative.”
Levi dropped back on his heels from where he’d been on his knees, holding her. Mentally, he dropped into a bottomless pit and just kept falling.
And falling.
No baby? The test was negative?
“Madison?” He glanced into her devastated face, tried to make sense of what he saw. “But why…?”
Her lower lip disappeared between her teeth and she grimaced, shrugged.
He cradled her face in his palms, forcing her to meet his gaze head on. “Madison, sweetheart, I don’t understand.”
Unless… Had she wanted their baby? Wanted to be pregnant with his child? Was she upset that the test had been negative? Was that even possible? Did he want her to be upset that the test had been negative?
And if he did, then what was he going to do to rectify the situation?
Madison couldn’t believe her test results. No second little blue line. Not pregnant.
Obviously at some point over the past few weeks she’d started believing she was pregnant when her menstrual period had failed to arrive on time, had started believing a tiny life grew inside her, and had started to cherish that tiny life even if she hadn’t admitted any of those things to herself.
But failing to see that second line, realizing that her womb was empty, didn’t hold Levi’s child, well, she’d fallen into grief like none she’d ever known.
Grief for the loss of a baby who had never existed outside her mind.
“I feel so lost,” she cried, hating that she was revealing so much to him, hating that she couldn’t hold her pain inside, that she wanted to lean against his chest, to let him soak up her hurt and make her feel okay again. “It’s silly to mourn someone who never really existed, but in my mind I believed our baby was inside me. I ache knowing he or she isn’t.”
“Oh, Madison,” he whispered, holding her close, pressing another kiss to the top of her head. If only she could allow herself to accept his comfort. But how could she when she was mourning a baby he hadn’t wanted to begin with?
She closed her eyes to shield the mirrors to her soul from his probing gaze. She didn’t want him to see how she ached over news that would make him shout with joy from the rooftop.
But when he just continued to hold her, to murmur her name and press soft kisses against her hair, she opened her eyes, pulled back to stare at him in confusion.
“Didn’t you hear me, Levi? I’m not pregnant.” She paused, swallowed her pain, and closed her eyes again because she couldn’t bear seeing the relief sure to wash over his face. “I never was. You don’t have to do this, don’t have to pretend that you care. You don’t even have to be nice to me. Maybe even it would be better if you weren’t.”
“Open your eyes, Madison.”
At his softly spoken order she closed her lids all the tighter. She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to crave those dark chocolate eyes, didn’t want to see delight about something that tore a hole in her heart.
“No worries,” she ground out, trying not to sound so sad. “There’s no reason for you to marry me.”
“Sure there is.”
Those three little words had her eyes popping open despite her resolve to shield herself from him.
“I want you in my life, Madison.”
