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Why was it so much easier to see the truth in hindsight?
She took a deep breath and asked what her heart yearned to know, what she’d hoped all day his arrival at the clinic during the night meant. “Is there any way things can go back to the way they were?”
After all, he had suggested moving back in.
He stared at her for the longest time, as if he were trying to get inside her head. Melissa’s hope rose. Was it possible that they could return to the life they’d shared together?
“No, there’s not,” James said, his voice confident, sure of his answer.
Melissa tried not to flinch, but knew she did.
His words hurt. Sharp, stabbing hurt. A fresh rejection to go with the slew of past ones. Why had she foolishly gotten her hopes up? He was here for the baby, not her.
“I don’t want that life back,” he continued. More pain. “Neither can we go on with the way things currently are.” His weariness seeping through, he sighed. “I’m not going to go through what I did last night when I couldn’t reach you. Not ever again.”
“I’m sorry, James. I didn’t mean to worry you. I was so worried about Cindy that I never thought about you calling.”
His lips flattened into a thin line, and she realized she’d only reinforced his perception that she put her patients first, before him.
She’d never thought so. Had anyone asked, she’d have said James was the most important person in her life. So why had it been so easy to push him aside any time someone else needed her?
So easy she hadn’t even realized she’d been doing it.
Not until he’d left. She wanted him back.
Had she wanted his baby that much? Yes, but their problems had run deeper than that.
“I’m willing to accept your terms.” She stared straight into his eyes. “You were right about me being exhausted last night. I’d been dreaming of a soak in the tub and a good night’s sleep all afternoon.”
He seemed taken aback at her admission.
“I’ve been trying to take care of myself, but I get tired so easily,” she confessed. “I saw a need in Cindy, and I did what I could to take care of it. If you hadn’t arrived…” she winced at the stark truth “…I wouldn’t have lasted the night.”
“You would have pushed yourself and done so, Melissa. You always do.”
“Maybe.”
Another long silence. “If you’re serious about meeting me halfway, I’ll move my things back this weekend.”
She didn’t point out that he’d only taken his clothes when he’d left and, technically, he’d bought a lot of the furniture and household goods.
She wanted James back in her house, her life, her heart, but not against his will.
“James, you can’t just put your entire life on hold like this.”
“Your pregnancy has put your life on hold. I’m half-responsible for that. It only makes sense that we’d both make compromises to accommodate the baby. I plan to be an active part of our baby’s life.”
His face was pinched, as if the thought pained him.
“Why don’t you want kids, James?”
His blue gaze shot to hers. “Under the circumstances, that’s irrelevant.”
“No.” She shook her head, seeing fear in his eyes. Fear she didn’t understand and that had nothing to do with the reasons he’d given her in the past. “For this to work, we have to be honest with each other. I’ve told you the truth, about having lied to you about not wanting a baby.” She closed her eyes, swallowed. She placed her palms protectively over her belly. “Tell me the truth, James. Why didn’t you want me to have your baby?”
“Why did you agree, Melissa?”
“Because I wasn’t willing to give you up,” she admitted, not wanting to but knowing one of them had to start tearing the walls down. “I hoped you’d change your mind and when you didn’t, I grew to resent you.”
