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She loved him. With all her heart. All her soul. All of who she was.
And he’d loved her, too. Although he may not have realized it, she knew he had.
Only she’d let his love slip through her fingers without ever knowing what a precious gift she’d had.
James jerked his hands away from her belly, as if he’d looked into her eyes and been scalded by her thoughts.
His gaze took on a faraway look. “I had a sister.”
A sister? She’d never heard him mention a sister. She stared at him, saw the sheen of sweat on his brow, the pallor to his skin, the lost depths to his eyes.
And she knew what he was going to say even before he continued and her heart shattered into a million pieces at the pain inside him.
“Cailee was a surprise to my parents. They were in their early forties. I had turned seventeen a few months before she was born and was checking into colleges. I wanted to be a computer programmer.” At her surprised look, he gave an ironic nod. “My mom suffered from postnatal depression after Cailee’s birth and my dad decided taking her out for the evening might lift her spirits. I was to watch Cailee and wasn’t happy about it. I’d had plans to go hang out with some buddies.”
Memories assailed him and he could almost hear Tyler and Ryan’s voices as they kidded him on playing nanny. “Instead, they came to the house. Cailee was sleeping and we played video games.”
He stopped, collecting his thoughts, his courage so he could push on. Keeping his gaze averted for fear of what he’d see, he began again.
“After they left, I checked on her. I thought she was just sleeping.” He relived the panicked horror that had drenched him as he’d realized Cailee’s little chest hadn’t been rising and falling with the sweet baby sounds of slumber. “I was wrong.”
“Was it SIDS?” Emotions choked her words. Tears flooded her eyes and fell onto her cheeks.
James didn’t answer her question, just continued. “I tried to revive her, but I didn’t know what to do. My efforts were useless. I couldn’t bring her back.” His voice broke and he stopped, unable to go on without losing the calm control he desperately clung to.
“Oh, James, how tragic. I’m so sorry.”
“It was SIDS, apparently. At the time I’d never even heard of it. But I know the tragedy was because of my negligence. If I’d checked, kept my eye on her like I was supposed to, she wouldn’t have died.”
“You were only a child yourself,” she defended him. “You can’t watch over a sleeping baby every second of every minute. It really wasn’t your fault, James. Surely your parents didn’t blame you.”
“No,” he admitted. His parents had never once voiced what he knew in his heart. It had been his fault. “They were too busy blaming each other to ever blame me. They divorced less than six months after Cailee’s death.”
“You lost your whole family that summer,” she said, pity softening her words. “That’s why you didn’t want children? Because of what happened with Cailee?”
Ja
mes wanted her pity even less than he wanted her disgust. Why had he told her? Because feeling the baby move within her womb had made it so much more real that he was going to be a father. And he should be scared, keeping himself aloof. Instead, excitement filled him. He wanted this baby.
And that realization did scare him.
“Now you know.” He gathered his magazine, stood, and turned away from her. “It’s been a long day.” He faked a yawn. “I’m calling it a night.”
“James, wait.” She reached for his hand, squeezed it. “Let’s talk about this.”
“No, I’ve said all I’m saying on the matter. You wanted to know my reasons.” He pulled free from her grasp and headed out of the room. He’d said all he had to say and just wanted to escape her piteous eyes. “Now you do, and it changes nothing.”
CHAPTER TEN
MELISSA swore her belly was going to burst if she gained another ounce. Already breathing had become a major ordeal and not much was worth the effort of moving. Thirty-nine weeks pregnant, feet swollen, hands swollen, belly definitely swollen, and backache that increased each day. It took all her willpower to keep going.
But she did keep going.
Like today. Barely ten in the morning and already she’d seen a half dozen patients. She rubbed her lower back, wishing the pain would ease, knowing from her experience over the past week that it wouldn’t.
“The next room is Jamie Moss,” Debbie said, taking it on herself to rub Melissa’s tight belly.
Everyone seemed to think it their right to touch her stomach, like she was some type of pregnant Buddha to rub for fortune or entertainment. Melissa smiled to herself. No one seemed able to resist the lure of the well-rounded belly.
