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“The girls—”
“Wish I was dead.” Tears streamed down Jamie’s face. “And so do I.”
“Oh, Jamie. We’ve discussed this in the past. You know they don’t mean it. You’ve come so far.” Jamie had made it through her chemotherapy, through her mastectomy, and was now having her radiation treatments. “You’re beating the cancer, Jamie. Dr Arnold told me so.”
Jamie’s face pinched at the mention of the surgeon’s name.
“I lost a long time ago, long before Roger died. Maybe from the moment I married him.” The woman swiped at her tears. “I’ve tried to do what’s right, be there for my girls, but they’d be better off without me.”
“That isn’t true. Cindy and Amanda need you. So much.”
“You’re wrong. Cindy is having trouble in school. She’s run away from home twice in the past month. Amanda cries herself to sleep every night, asking for Roger. I’m at my wits’ end.”
“The school counselor hasn’t helped?”
Jamie’s gaze dropped. “She says it’s my fault the girls haven’t dealt with Roger’s death.”
“She said what?” Apparently the only counselor available was doing more harm than good. Melissa would be placing a call to the school counselor to find out what was going on.
“It doesn’t matter.” Jamie lifted her shoulders. “I just wanted you to know I appreciate everything you’ve done.”
“Jamie.” Melissa made eye contact and gave voice to what she’d feared from the moment Jamie had made her admission, “You’re scaring me. You sound suicidal.”
Jamie looked down, fiddled with her bitten-to-the-quick fingernails.
“Are you thinking of killing yourself, Jamie?” Melissa held her breath, waiting for an answer she didn’t want to hear.
“I want to die.”
“How?” Please, don’t have a plan.
“I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.”
“Do you have a plan, Jamie? A way to make yourself go to sleep and not wake up?”
She hesitated long enough that warning bells went off in Melissa’s head. “I’ve thought about taking more of my insulin than I should. I’d just go into a coma and not wake up again.”
She had a plan on how to kill herself.
“Jamie, I think you’re telling me this because you don’t want to die, but are scared by your feelings.” Melissa took her hand. “I want to help you, but I’m not able to provide the care you need. I’m going to send you to get special help.”
“No.” Jamie shook her head. “I can’t go anywhere. What would I do with the girls?”
“What would happen to them if you weren’t here, Jamie? If you died, where would they go? Do you think your sister could handle another two? Even if she tried, it would be difficult.”
Jamie’s eyes closed.
“You need help that I’m not qualified to give. I’m going to call your sister, ask her to take the girls for a few days.”
“She won’t.”
Something more was going on. “Why not?”
“She’s not speaking to me.”
Which might have been the straw that had broken the camel’s back.
“Did you argue?” she asked gently.
